I'm recovering from surgery, lying here hours on end. I'm watching game show reruns (well, they play on the ipad, in the background, on the pillow next to me). Why? The constant contestant joy soundtracking my dreams is keeping my spirits up. Thanks PlutoTV!

Sometimes, I curse my super human hearing. In hospital, I heard someone leave a voicemail that detailed the harrowing story of how they came to be on the surgical ward for 2.5 months that gave me a terrible nightmare. No wonder they whisper "help me" repeatedly while they sleep.

I haven't been in hospital in a while - they have the neatest thing. There are devices that look like shower caps to keep hair dry, but you use it to wash your hair. I'm GenX, why is this invention blowing my mind? (As impressed as I am, the good money would be on the Dilaudid)

I should have an endorsement deal with the company that sells the cookies I served my guests yesterday. I converted people! Also, I am officially a boring, old person.

I just napped away my Friday night. The first time I snorted awake thinking it was the middle of the night, it was only 645. I dragged myself out of the computer chair to the floor, woke up again, dragged myself to a couch, woke up again, got a blanket on me, woke up 1/2 hour ago. Up all night now?

Just checking the weather forecast to see when I might be able to lever the coffee cups off the glass patio table on my deck. They froze in place overnight. Looks like it will either be Tuesday or March 2025.

CONTROL YOUR ANIMALS. I understand that you love the creature, but I fucking don't. It may not bite but I fucking do. Why are you allowing it in my path? You say you love it, but if it touches me, I'll kick it like field goal. Step to me for protecting myself and you're next. CONTROL YOUR ANIMALS.

If you physically resembled a polarizing and disliked person, would you try to restyle to avoid the comparison or lean into it? I don't mean actively impersonating them, but just while you're being you.

Just past 9 on a dreary, cold morning. I have a list of what I should accomplish today. It starts by going to the store for supplies. But I am having a hard time leaving the coffee pot. The one I have rolled from yesterday keeps whispering at me to bow out of today. Someone tell me to go already!

I'm having a problem with a neighbour. She's doing something rude, purely to annoy me, and it breaks no HOA rules or municipal rules. I've ignored the behaviour so far but I want to speak to her about it. The only words I can come up with is 'please die in a fire'. Any softer suggestions?