Roughly 60 people agreed to stab Julius Caesar. In the end, there were only 23 stab wounds, which just goes to show that even in 44 B.C., not all members of a group project will do their part.

Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Mayfeline™️

If I was a billionaire one of the first things I would do is build a huge apartment building that's super nice that my friends live in for free

But I think the biggest hole in this plot is that in order to become a billionaire you have to do a bunch of shit that prevents you from having friends

If you’re polyamorous and are under 5’4”, you’re a poly pocket, I don’t make the rules.

Jane Austen is my all-time favorite author because, not only do we share a birthday, but she also understood that the two most unpleasant things to experience in life were unannounced visitors and the unsolicited opinions of mediocre men.

'Toy Story 2' released 25 years ago today