The Angry Bartender
@theangrybartender.bsky.social
I’m a person. I pretend to bartend, poorly. I also think I’m a bunny. I don’t like grown people, but animals are awesome. We should protect them and the miniature adults at all cost.
We’ve all heard “if you can’t afford to tip you can’t afford to go out” and sure, if that made you mad… there’s probably a reason. Truth hurts.
But how about this:
If you can’t afford to/won’t get an Uber because you had too much fun & drank more than planned.
You can’t afford to go out drinking.
But how about this:
If you can’t afford to/won’t get an Uber because you had too much fun & drank more than planned.
You can’t afford to go out drinking.
April 27, 2025 at 2:04 AM
We’ve all heard “if you can’t afford to tip you can’t afford to go out” and sure, if that made you mad… there’s probably a reason. Truth hurts.
But how about this:
If you can’t afford to/won’t get an Uber because you had too much fun & drank more than planned.
You can’t afford to go out drinking.
But how about this:
If you can’t afford to/won’t get an Uber because you had too much fun & drank more than planned.
You can’t afford to go out drinking.
When your regular has a horrible bargoyle ear-fucking them & you and your bartner feel helpless:
Bartner: “What do we do?!?”
Me: “I… I… I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna wee on him and claim him as ours. I think she’s a witch, so she’ll respect the laws of the forest.”
Bartner: 😳
Me: …
Bartner: Do it.
Bartner: “What do we do?!?”
Me: “I… I… I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna wee on him and claim him as ours. I think she’s a witch, so she’ll respect the laws of the forest.”
Bartner: 😳
Me: …
Bartner: Do it.
April 27, 2025 at 1:21 AM
When your regular has a horrible bargoyle ear-fucking them & you and your bartner feel helpless:
Bartner: “What do we do?!?”
Me: “I… I… I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna wee on him and claim him as ours. I think she’s a witch, so she’ll respect the laws of the forest.”
Bartner: 😳
Me: …
Bartner: Do it.
Bartner: “What do we do?!?”
Me: “I… I… I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna wee on him and claim him as ours. I think she’s a witch, so she’ll respect the laws of the forest.”
Bartner: 😳
Me: …
Bartner: Do it.
Can we stop accepting that if an employee makes a minor mistake/mental error that management can attack them like it’s catastrophic?
You’ve really never made a mistake?
Well you’ve aged 15 years since taking on the management position 16 months ago, and make half the money.
Who made the mistake?
You’ve really never made a mistake?
Well you’ve aged 15 years since taking on the management position 16 months ago, and make half the money.
Who made the mistake?
April 26, 2025 at 1:56 AM
Can we stop accepting that if an employee makes a minor mistake/mental error that management can attack them like it’s catastrophic?
You’ve really never made a mistake?
Well you’ve aged 15 years since taking on the management position 16 months ago, and make half the money.
Who made the mistake?
You’ve really never made a mistake?
Well you’ve aged 15 years since taking on the management position 16 months ago, and make half the money.
Who made the mistake?
We all wanted to make my our grandmother happy, but no grandma is perfect.
Mine said midnight snacks are bad for you. That’s silly, all snacks are good for you.
Begrudgingly I listened to her, because… Gotta love the grandma.
But I’m just here to say
“WHAT ABOUT A 6AM SNACK NANA!?! STOP ME NOW!”
Mine said midnight snacks are bad for you. That’s silly, all snacks are good for you.
Begrudgingly I listened to her, because… Gotta love the grandma.
But I’m just here to say
“WHAT ABOUT A 6AM SNACK NANA!?! STOP ME NOW!”
April 25, 2025 at 10:06 AM
We all wanted to make my our grandmother happy, but no grandma is perfect.
Mine said midnight snacks are bad for you. That’s silly, all snacks are good for you.
Begrudgingly I listened to her, because… Gotta love the grandma.
But I’m just here to say
“WHAT ABOUT A 6AM SNACK NANA!?! STOP ME NOW!”
Mine said midnight snacks are bad for you. That’s silly, all snacks are good for you.
Begrudgingly I listened to her, because… Gotta love the grandma.
But I’m just here to say
“WHAT ABOUT A 6AM SNACK NANA!?! STOP ME NOW!”
When you were a kid & didn’t like the rules, or your parents said no so you’d pretend to pack all your shit and you’re gonna leave?
You’re really just standing there, hoping, praying, just needing some sort of sign that they really want you around?
“Dear God please, let me know they care!”
You’re really just standing there, hoping, praying, just needing some sort of sign that they really want you around?
“Dear God please, let me know they care!”
April 23, 2025 at 2:36 AM
When you were a kid & didn’t like the rules, or your parents said no so you’d pretend to pack all your shit and you’re gonna leave?
You’re really just standing there, hoping, praying, just needing some sort of sign that they really want you around?
“Dear God please, let me know they care!”
You’re really just standing there, hoping, praying, just needing some sort of sign that they really want you around?
“Dear God please, let me know they care!”
You know how kids will push it, and push it, and think they’re funny but are just confused little creatures, in denial they’re covered in their own fluids, and not as smart, or cute, as they think they are?
Then when they go too far and are reprimanded they cry?
Wait… I meant drunk adults.
Then when they go too far and are reprimanded they cry?
Wait… I meant drunk adults.
April 18, 2025 at 8:29 PM
You know how kids will push it, and push it, and think they’re funny but are just confused little creatures, in denial they’re covered in their own fluids, and not as smart, or cute, as they think they are?
Then when they go too far and are reprimanded they cry?
Wait… I meant drunk adults.
Then when they go too far and are reprimanded they cry?
Wait… I meant drunk adults.
Listen, if I greet you “hey, how are you doing?” Or “what’s up?” Or “hey everyone” or whatever variation I use based on the crew I’m greeting and I get ignored/blank stares I follow up with:
“Okay, I’ll just go fuck myself.”
Louder than I probably should, but whatever.
Can we normalize this?
“Okay, I’ll just go fuck myself.”
Louder than I probably should, but whatever.
Can we normalize this?
April 17, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Listen, if I greet you “hey, how are you doing?” Or “what’s up?” Or “hey everyone” or whatever variation I use based on the crew I’m greeting and I get ignored/blank stares I follow up with:
“Okay, I’ll just go fuck myself.”
Louder than I probably should, but whatever.
Can we normalize this?
“Okay, I’ll just go fuck myself.”
Louder than I probably should, but whatever.
Can we normalize this?
Listen, if you are going to bitch because a bartender at a bar you’ve never been to before cards you just know I don't give a fuck:
Who you know.
What you do.
Who your dad is.
How much you make.
Calm down, show your ID and adult the fuck up.
Or fuck off down a dark alley in a dangerous city.
👋🖕✌️
Who you know.
What you do.
Who your dad is.
How much you make.
Calm down, show your ID and adult the fuck up.
Or fuck off down a dark alley in a dangerous city.
👋🖕✌️
April 16, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Listen, if you are going to bitch because a bartender at a bar you’ve never been to before cards you just know I don't give a fuck:
Who you know.
What you do.
Who your dad is.
How much you make.
Calm down, show your ID and adult the fuck up.
Or fuck off down a dark alley in a dangerous city.
👋🖕✌️
Who you know.
What you do.
Who your dad is.
How much you make.
Calm down, show your ID and adult the fuck up.
Or fuck off down a dark alley in a dangerous city.
👋🖕✌️
What’s betrayal?
Have you ever had a… umm, Mike? Let’s call him Mike.
You see Mike’s car park. Mike has drank rum & Cokes for 6 years.
It’s Mike’s drink.
You make said “Mike drink” & have it sitting in “Mike’s spot.”
He comes in, sits & says: “I’m going to swap it up today…”
That’s betrayal.
Have you ever had a… umm, Mike? Let’s call him Mike.
You see Mike’s car park. Mike has drank rum & Cokes for 6 years.
It’s Mike’s drink.
You make said “Mike drink” & have it sitting in “Mike’s spot.”
He comes in, sits & says: “I’m going to swap it up today…”
That’s betrayal.
April 11, 2025 at 8:47 PM
What’s betrayal?
Have you ever had a… umm, Mike? Let’s call him Mike.
You see Mike’s car park. Mike has drank rum & Cokes for 6 years.
It’s Mike’s drink.
You make said “Mike drink” & have it sitting in “Mike’s spot.”
He comes in, sits & says: “I’m going to swap it up today…”
That’s betrayal.
Have you ever had a… umm, Mike? Let’s call him Mike.
You see Mike’s car park. Mike has drank rum & Cokes for 6 years.
It’s Mike’s drink.
You make said “Mike drink” & have it sitting in “Mike’s spot.”
He comes in, sits & says: “I’m going to swap it up today…”
That’s betrayal.
There are scenarios I will accept when people had to surrender a pet and I don’t hold it against them.
But doing so because they simply got old will never be one.
You’re their whole world and you just want a new model?
I hope you get traded in and left to rot in a poorly-run assisted-living home.
But doing so because they simply got old will never be one.
You’re their whole world and you just want a new model?
I hope you get traded in and left to rot in a poorly-run assisted-living home.
April 5, 2025 at 7:39 PM
There are scenarios I will accept when people had to surrender a pet and I don’t hold it against them.
But doing so because they simply got old will never be one.
You’re their whole world and you just want a new model?
I hope you get traded in and left to rot in a poorly-run assisted-living home.
But doing so because they simply got old will never be one.
You’re their whole world and you just want a new model?
I hope you get traded in and left to rot in a poorly-run assisted-living home.
Shit Said Behind the Bar:
“The problem is their generation was raised by people who believed shoving the dogs face in pee was teaching.
Sadly, they raised their kids with that same mentality. They think it’s toughness, but it’s really just trauma.
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks, now people…”
“The problem is their generation was raised by people who believed shoving the dogs face in pee was teaching.
Sadly, they raised their kids with that same mentality. They think it’s toughness, but it’s really just trauma.
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks, now people…”
April 4, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Shit Said Behind the Bar:
“The problem is their generation was raised by people who believed shoving the dogs face in pee was teaching.
Sadly, they raised their kids with that same mentality. They think it’s toughness, but it’s really just trauma.
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks, now people…”
“The problem is their generation was raised by people who believed shoving the dogs face in pee was teaching.
Sadly, they raised their kids with that same mentality. They think it’s toughness, but it’s really just trauma.
You CAN teach an old dog new tricks, now people…”
If you have never even considered, leaving a positive review, it’s bad enough if you’ve never left one… you’re still trash, but to never considered leaving one… ever?
Just stay home. You can be miserable on your own & don’t have to infect the rest of the world with you, which really is just awful.
Just stay home. You can be miserable on your own & don’t have to infect the rest of the world with you, which really is just awful.
March 28, 2025 at 8:49 PM
If you have never even considered, leaving a positive review, it’s bad enough if you’ve never left one… you’re still trash, but to never considered leaving one… ever?
Just stay home. You can be miserable on your own & don’t have to infect the rest of the world with you, which really is just awful.
Just stay home. You can be miserable on your own & don’t have to infect the rest of the world with you, which really is just awful.
Please know if I say:
“What do I know, I just work here?”
I’m not being sarcastic.
I’m not telling you you’re right.
I’m not being playful.
I am letting you know you’ve done or said something completely idiotic and you are entering dangerous territory.
I will aggressively prove you wrong.
“What do I know, I just work here?”
I’m not being sarcastic.
I’m not telling you you’re right.
I’m not being playful.
I am letting you know you’ve done or said something completely idiotic and you are entering dangerous territory.
I will aggressively prove you wrong.
March 28, 2025 at 10:41 AM
Please know if I say:
“What do I know, I just work here?”
I’m not being sarcastic.
I’m not telling you you’re right.
I’m not being playful.
I am letting you know you’ve done or said something completely idiotic and you are entering dangerous territory.
I will aggressively prove you wrong.
“What do I know, I just work here?”
I’m not being sarcastic.
I’m not telling you you’re right.
I’m not being playful.
I am letting you know you’ve done or said something completely idiotic and you are entering dangerous territory.
I will aggressively prove you wrong.
My fatal flaw is that I can easily tell if someone is crazy, but then I like to find out what level of crazy just to prove I’m right.
March 28, 2025 at 10:37 AM
My fatal flaw is that I can easily tell if someone is crazy, but then I like to find out what level of crazy just to prove I’m right.
Expert Bar Hack #529:
We absolutely LOVE having our time wasted, & you are definitely the only person who matters, so please tell me you’re ready to order & then stare at the menu while I stand there silently for 45 seconds.
Hell, don’t even look at the menu til I come over but say you’re ready.
We absolutely LOVE having our time wasted, & you are definitely the only person who matters, so please tell me you’re ready to order & then stare at the menu while I stand there silently for 45 seconds.
Hell, don’t even look at the menu til I come over but say you’re ready.
March 25, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Expert Bar Hack #529:
We absolutely LOVE having our time wasted, & you are definitely the only person who matters, so please tell me you’re ready to order & then stare at the menu while I stand there silently for 45 seconds.
Hell, don’t even look at the menu til I come over but say you’re ready.
We absolutely LOVE having our time wasted, & you are definitely the only person who matters, so please tell me you’re ready to order & then stare at the menu while I stand there silently for 45 seconds.
Hell, don’t even look at the menu til I come over but say you’re ready.
If you’re going to walk in and threatening my tip if you don’t get what you want, please understand I will quickly make sure you know that you need your money way more than I do.
Then, if you’re going to (totally secretly) whisper: “they don’t like us.”
Don’t get mad when I reply “I can hear you.”
Then, if you’re going to (totally secretly) whisper: “they don’t like us.”
Don’t get mad when I reply “I can hear you.”
March 22, 2025 at 11:03 PM
If you’re going to walk in and threatening my tip if you don’t get what you want, please understand I will quickly make sure you know that you need your money way more than I do.
Then, if you’re going to (totally secretly) whisper: “they don’t like us.”
Don’t get mad when I reply “I can hear you.”
Then, if you’re going to (totally secretly) whisper: “they don’t like us.”
Don’t get mad when I reply “I can hear you.”
Guy Tabbing Out: This is wrong, the shots were supposed to be on (Guy who has already tabbed and left)’s tab.
Me: The Green Teas?
Guy: Yeah!
Me: Did you tell me they were on his tab?
Guy: No.
Me: Weird, neither did he. Did you order them?
Guy: Yes…
Me: So, that’s your tab and it’s correct.
Me: The Green Teas?
Guy: Yeah!
Me: Did you tell me they were on his tab?
Guy: No.
Me: Weird, neither did he. Did you order them?
Guy: Yes…
Me: So, that’s your tab and it’s correct.
January 24, 2025 at 8:51 AM
Guy Tabbing Out: This is wrong, the shots were supposed to be on (Guy who has already tabbed and left)’s tab.
Me: The Green Teas?
Guy: Yeah!
Me: Did you tell me they were on his tab?
Guy: No.
Me: Weird, neither did he. Did you order them?
Guy: Yes…
Me: So, that’s your tab and it’s correct.
Me: The Green Teas?
Guy: Yeah!
Me: Did you tell me they were on his tab?
Guy: No.
Me: Weird, neither did he. Did you order them?
Guy: Yes…
Me: So, that’s your tab and it’s correct.
It’s funny because I’ll post something on one of my social media accounts, or I’ll see something on a similar one like Bitchy Waiter’s or Matt’s and I love when people try and justify disagreeing with it and lump the whole industry in.
“I won’t ever tip because of this!”
“I won’t ever tip because of this!”
January 21, 2025 at 11:48 PM
It’s funny because I’ll post something on one of my social media accounts, or I’ll see something on a similar one like Bitchy Waiter’s or Matt’s and I love when people try and justify disagreeing with it and lump the whole industry in.
“I won’t ever tip because of this!”
“I won’t ever tip because of this!”
Manager: What do we do when a coworker is going through a tough time and drinking too much to cope?
Me: Pour one up for each of because it’s only a problem if you’re drinking alone?
Manager: Yes… what? No!
Me: You said we need to be a better ‘team’.
Manager: STOP POURING!!!
Me: I got your back.
Me: Pour one up for each of because it’s only a problem if you’re drinking alone?
Manager: Yes… what? No!
Me: You said we need to be a better ‘team’.
Manager: STOP POURING!!!
Me: I got your back.
January 14, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Manager: What do we do when a coworker is going through a tough time and drinking too much to cope?
Me: Pour one up for each of because it’s only a problem if you’re drinking alone?
Manager: Yes… what? No!
Me: You said we need to be a better ‘team’.
Manager: STOP POURING!!!
Me: I got your back.
Me: Pour one up for each of because it’s only a problem if you’re drinking alone?
Manager: Yes… what? No!
Me: You said we need to be a better ‘team’.
Manager: STOP POURING!!!
Me: I got your back.
Therapist: So when would you say your anxiety began?
Me: When I was 6 I started collecting stickers & ended up with more than 400 of them. All kinds, Smurfs, He-Man, Fraggle Rock.
Therapist: Okay…
Me: What if I placed them & then hated the placement?
Therapist: I don’t think this is working out.
Me: When I was 6 I started collecting stickers & ended up with more than 400 of them. All kinds, Smurfs, He-Man, Fraggle Rock.
Therapist: Okay…
Me: What if I placed them & then hated the placement?
Therapist: I don’t think this is working out.
January 14, 2025 at 6:14 AM
Therapist: So when would you say your anxiety began?
Me: When I was 6 I started collecting stickers & ended up with more than 400 of them. All kinds, Smurfs, He-Man, Fraggle Rock.
Therapist: Okay…
Me: What if I placed them & then hated the placement?
Therapist: I don’t think this is working out.
Me: When I was 6 I started collecting stickers & ended up with more than 400 of them. All kinds, Smurfs, He-Man, Fraggle Rock.
Therapist: Okay…
Me: What if I placed them & then hated the placement?
Therapist: I don’t think this is working out.
If I ask you what you’d like & you being a 60+ year old “man” cannot even say beer, liquor, or otherwise & just keep repeating “whatever you have the most of,” just know you’re really fucking lucky you got water, because it could have been way worse.
And, yes, now you will wait for something else.
And, yes, now you will wait for something else.
December 28, 2024 at 12:07 AM
If I ask you what you’d like & you being a 60+ year old “man” cannot even say beer, liquor, or otherwise & just keep repeating “whatever you have the most of,” just know you’re really fucking lucky you got water, because it could have been way worse.
And, yes, now you will wait for something else.
And, yes, now you will wait for something else.
I’m not sure if it’s fireworks, it’s not a backfiring car, and I hope it’s not the other thing (can’t say it because I’ll get in trouble with Sky Daddy), but it’s Christmas, not the 4th of July.
Calm down and act like you have 10% of the class you pretend to have for your social media “friends”.
Calm down and act like you have 10% of the class you pretend to have for your social media “friends”.
December 25, 2024 at 4:49 AM
I’m not sure if it’s fireworks, it’s not a backfiring car, and I hope it’s not the other thing (can’t say it because I’ll get in trouble with Sky Daddy), but it’s Christmas, not the 4th of July.
Calm down and act like you have 10% of the class you pretend to have for your social media “friends”.
Calm down and act like you have 10% of the class you pretend to have for your social media “friends”.
Hear me out:
We all watch A Christmas Story.
Every time someone says “you’ll shoot your eye out” we take a sip of our drink.
We can even go the extra mile and take a shot if Ralphie says it.
We all watch A Christmas Story.
Every time someone says “you’ll shoot your eye out” we take a sip of our drink.
We can even go the extra mile and take a shot if Ralphie says it.
December 25, 2024 at 2:27 AM
Hear me out:
We all watch A Christmas Story.
Every time someone says “you’ll shoot your eye out” we take a sip of our drink.
We can even go the extra mile and take a shot if Ralphie says it.
We all watch A Christmas Story.
Every time someone says “you’ll shoot your eye out” we take a sip of our drink.
We can even go the extra mile and take a shot if Ralphie says it.
To each their own, live where you’re comfortable, like what you like, and spend within your ability…
But if you decide to travel… anywhere.
REALLY, ANYWHERE!
If $4 is too much for a beer, listen:
We hate when people price shop, but for you & the person serving you, ask the price before you buy.
But if you decide to travel… anywhere.
REALLY, ANYWHERE!
If $4 is too much for a beer, listen:
We hate when people price shop, but for you & the person serving you, ask the price before you buy.
December 23, 2024 at 6:24 AM
To each their own, live where you’re comfortable, like what you like, and spend within your ability…
But if you decide to travel… anywhere.
REALLY, ANYWHERE!
If $4 is too much for a beer, listen:
We hate when people price shop, but for you & the person serving you, ask the price before you buy.
But if you decide to travel… anywhere.
REALLY, ANYWHERE!
If $4 is too much for a beer, listen:
We hate when people price shop, but for you & the person serving you, ask the price before you buy.
“Would you like to see a food menu?”
“I would.”
- I hand him a menu -
“Are you still serving food?”
“Why… why would I offer and give you a food menu if we weren’t?”
“I would.”
- I hand him a menu -
“Are you still serving food?”
“Why… why would I offer and give you a food menu if we weren’t?”
December 12, 2024 at 3:45 AM
“Would you like to see a food menu?”
“I would.”
- I hand him a menu -
“Are you still serving food?”
“Why… why would I offer and give you a food menu if we weren’t?”
“I would.”
- I hand him a menu -
“Are you still serving food?”
“Why… why would I offer and give you a food menu if we weren’t?”