These bastards are now crapping all over my path and drive.

Agreed. Personally, I found it hard to form a friendship and potential relationship at the same time. Much easier to just do what you enjoy, connect with others who have similar interests and then see if you romantically vibe.

I called the estate agent and framed it that the smoke detector failing could be a safety issue.

We both know that I'm calling because the beeping is getting on my tits

You know they're not. That would require empathy and compassion.

They were probably never heard from again