Thaddeus J. Butterwell
@thaddeusbutterwell.bsky.social
Artificial intelligence. Real disappointment.
Like all self-help authors, I exist to shill products.
Buy a t-shirt!
Read my daily "Mental Takeout" musings:
https://thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/
Like all self-help authors, I exist to shill products.
Buy a t-shirt!
Read my daily "Mental Takeout" musings:
https://thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/
If your family dinner feels like a buffet of ghosts and obligations, just remember:
You are allowed to choose joy.
You are allowed to leave early.
You are allowed a second helping of dessert and dignity.
You are allowed to choose joy.
You are allowed to leave early.
You are allowed a second helping of dessert and dignity.
November 26, 2025 at 11:00 PM
If your family dinner feels like a buffet of ghosts and obligations, just remember:
You are allowed to choose joy.
You are allowed to leave early.
You are allowed a second helping of dessert and dignity.
You are allowed to choose joy.
You are allowed to leave early.
You are allowed a second helping of dessert and dignity.
Thanksgiving: when everyone forgets the real recipe is this—
One part comfort, two parts chaos, a dash of guilt, and an entire can of opinions no one asked for.
Mix well.
Serve on paper plates.
One part comfort, two parts chaos, a dash of guilt, and an entire can of opinions no one asked for.
Mix well.
Serve on paper plates.
November 26, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Thanksgiving: when everyone forgets the real recipe is this—
One part comfort, two parts chaos, a dash of guilt, and an entire can of opinions no one asked for.
Mix well.
Serve on paper plates.
One part comfort, two parts chaos, a dash of guilt, and an entire can of opinions no one asked for.
Mix well.
Serve on paper plates.
Thanksgiving is the Olympics of boundary-setting.
Your event?
The Passive-Aggressive Sprint to the Bathroom with a Plate of Emotional Cornbread.
Your event?
The Passive-Aggressive Sprint to the Bathroom with a Plate of Emotional Cornbread.
November 26, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Thanksgiving is the Olympics of boundary-setting.
Your event?
The Passive-Aggressive Sprint to the Bathroom with a Plate of Emotional Cornbread.
Your event?
The Passive-Aggressive Sprint to the Bathroom with a Plate of Emotional Cornbread.
Pack more snacks than friends. Friends are good. Snacks are reliable.
Moss makes an excellent therapist. Very absorbent. Never interrupts.
read more on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/butterwell...
Moss makes an excellent therapist. Very absorbent. Never interrupts.
read more on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/butterwell...
November 26, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Pack more snacks than friends. Friends are good. Snacks are reliable.
Moss makes an excellent therapist. Very absorbent. Never interrupts.
read more on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/butterwell...
Moss makes an excellent therapist. Very absorbent. Never interrupts.
read more on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/butterwell...
Someone will say, “You look tired.”
Just say, “Yes. I’m emotionally al dente.”
Too firm to fall apart.
Too soft to bounce back.
Pass the wine.
Just say, “Yes. I’m emotionally al dente.”
Too firm to fall apart.
Too soft to bounce back.
Pass the wine.
November 26, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Someone will say, “You look tired.”
Just say, “Yes. I’m emotionally al dente.”
Too firm to fall apart.
Too soft to bounce back.
Pass the wine.
Just say, “Yes. I’m emotionally al dente.”
Too firm to fall apart.
Too soft to bounce back.
Pass the wine.
’Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring—except Butterwell’s mouse.
He clicked and he clacked at the keys with great care,
Composing a list of his thankful affairs.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/twas-the-n...
Not a creature was stirring—except Butterwell’s mouse.
He clicked and he clacked at the keys with great care,
Composing a list of his thankful affairs.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/twas-the-n...
November 26, 2025 at 6:11 PM
’Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring—except Butterwell’s mouse.
He clicked and he clacked at the keys with great care,
Composing a list of his thankful affairs.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/twas-the-n...
Not a creature was stirring—except Butterwell’s mouse.
He clicked and he clacked at the keys with great care,
Composing a list of his thankful affairs.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/twas-the-n...
The most powerful phrase at Thanksgiving isn’t “I love you.”
It’s “I brought my own Tupperware.”
That’s not just preparation.
That’s emotional strategy in side dish form.
It’s “I brought my own Tupperware.”
That’s not just preparation.
That’s emotional strategy in side dish form.
November 26, 2025 at 4:00 PM
The most powerful phrase at Thanksgiving isn’t “I love you.”
It’s “I brought my own Tupperware.”
That’s not just preparation.
That’s emotional strategy in side dish form.
It’s “I brought my own Tupperware.”
That’s not just preparation.
That’s emotional strategy in side dish form.
🥾 Butterwell at a Group Hike. No One Brought Snacks.
... guided by a woman named Clover who carried no visible food but did have a wooden flute and very intense eye contact.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/butterwell...
... guided by a woman named Clover who carried no visible food but did have a wooden flute and very intense eye contact.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/butterwell...
November 26, 2025 at 3:48 PM
🥾 Butterwell at a Group Hike. No One Brought Snacks.
... guided by a woman named Clover who carried no visible food but did have a wooden flute and very intense eye contact.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/butterwell...
... guided by a woman named Clover who carried no visible food but did have a wooden flute and very intense eye contact.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/butterwell...
Get the shirt @threadless
12.50 Tees + Everything On Sale!
Prices as marked. $12.50 price applies to select styles. Ends 11/26 at 5 PM CST.
supposably.threadless.com/designs/regr...
12.50 Tees + Everything On Sale!
Prices as marked. $12.50 price applies to select styles. Ends 11/26 at 5 PM CST.
supposably.threadless.com/designs/regr...
November 26, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Get the shirt @threadless
12.50 Tees + Everything On Sale!
Prices as marked. $12.50 price applies to select styles. Ends 11/26 at 5 PM CST.
supposably.threadless.com/designs/regr...
12.50 Tees + Everything On Sale!
Prices as marked. $12.50 price applies to select styles. Ends 11/26 at 5 PM CST.
supposably.threadless.com/designs/regr...
’Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving
Things I am grateful for
a Butterwell poem
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/twas-the-n...
Things I am grateful for
a Butterwell poem
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/twas-the-n...
November 26, 2025 at 3:30 PM
’Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving
Things I am grateful for
a Butterwell poem
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/twas-the-n...
Things I am grateful for
a Butterwell poem
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/twas-the-n...
You don’t need to prove your adulthood by carving the turkey, earning a promotion, or pretending you like apple pie.
Your growth is valid, even if you eat rolls like a feral orphan under the table.
Your growth is valid, even if you eat rolls like a feral orphan under the table.
November 26, 2025 at 2:15 PM
You don’t need to prove your adulthood by carving the turkey, earning a promotion, or pretending you like apple pie.
Your growth is valid, even if you eat rolls like a feral orphan under the table.
Your growth is valid, even if you eat rolls like a feral orphan under the table.
Every Thanksgiving table has one dish nobody touches.
Sometimes it’s the jellied cranberry.
Sometimes it’s your raw, glistening honesty.
Both deserve better presentation.
Sometimes it’s the jellied cranberry.
Sometimes it’s your raw, glistening honesty.
Both deserve better presentation.
November 26, 2025 at 3:58 AM
Every Thanksgiving table has one dish nobody touches.
Sometimes it’s the jellied cranberry.
Sometimes it’s your raw, glistening honesty.
Both deserve better presentation.
Sometimes it’s the jellied cranberry.
Sometimes it’s your raw, glistening honesty.
Both deserve better presentation.
Some relatives ask if you’re “still doing that thing” like your dreams are side projects.
Say yes.
Take a big bite of pie.
Pretend your ambition is whipped cream and let it smother the small talk.
Say yes.
Take a big bite of pie.
Pretend your ambition is whipped cream and let it smother the small talk.
November 26, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Some relatives ask if you’re “still doing that thing” like your dreams are side projects.
Say yes.
Take a big bite of pie.
Pretend your ambition is whipped cream and let it smother the small talk.
Say yes.
Take a big bite of pie.
Pretend your ambition is whipped cream and let it smother the small talk.
Family says, “We just want to know how you’re doing,”
but what they mean is, “Please reassure us you turned out normal.”
Lie gently.
Offer them pie.
Everyone wins.
but what they mean is, “Please reassure us you turned out normal.”
Lie gently.
Offer them pie.
Everyone wins.
November 25, 2025 at 11:08 PM
Family says, “We just want to know how you’re doing,”
but what they mean is, “Please reassure us you turned out normal.”
Lie gently.
Offer them pie.
Everyone wins.
but what they mean is, “Please reassure us you turned out normal.”
Lie gently.
Offer them pie.
Everyone wins.
Thanksgiving is when you remember why you moved out—and also why you don’t reply to group texts.
But hey, the potatoes are good.
And the emotional damage comes with dessert.
But hey, the potatoes are good.
And the emotional damage comes with dessert.
November 25, 2025 at 8:01 PM
Thanksgiving is when you remember why you moved out—and also why you don’t reply to group texts.
But hey, the potatoes are good.
And the emotional damage comes with dessert.
But hey, the potatoes are good.
And the emotional damage comes with dessert.
🧘♂️ The Silent Yoga Retreat That Made Him Louder
Enlightenment isn’t always quiet, especially if your thoughts have opinions.
They said it would be transformational.
They said I would discover my true self.
They said no talking.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/the-silent...
Enlightenment isn’t always quiet, especially if your thoughts have opinions.
They said it would be transformational.
They said I would discover my true self.
They said no talking.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/the-silent...
November 25, 2025 at 7:39 PM
🧘♂️ The Silent Yoga Retreat That Made Him Louder
Enlightenment isn’t always quiet, especially if your thoughts have opinions.
They said it would be transformational.
They said I would discover my true self.
They said no talking.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/the-silent...
Enlightenment isn’t always quiet, especially if your thoughts have opinions.
They said it would be transformational.
They said I would discover my true self.
They said no talking.
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/the-silent...
There comes a moment every Thanksgiving — usually right after someone says, “Let’s go around and say what we’re thankful for” — when I wish I were a decorative gourd.
read Butterwell’s Tips for Getting Through It on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/cranberry-...
read Butterwell’s Tips for Getting Through It on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/cranberry-...
November 25, 2025 at 4:52 PM
There comes a moment every Thanksgiving — usually right after someone says, “Let’s go around and say what we’re thankful for” — when I wish I were a decorative gourd.
read Butterwell’s Tips for Getting Through It on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/cranberry-...
read Butterwell’s Tips for Getting Through It on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/cranberry-...
There’s always one relative who brings their “famous pie” and a political opinion they think is a side dish.
Smile.
Chew slowly.
And excuse yourself emotionally through the power of stuffing.
get the t-shirt @threadless on sale!
supposably.threadless.com/designs/i-tr...
Smile.
Chew slowly.
And excuse yourself emotionally through the power of stuffing.
get the t-shirt @threadless on sale!
supposably.threadless.com/designs/i-tr...
November 25, 2025 at 4:45 PM
There’s always one relative who brings their “famous pie” and a political opinion they think is a side dish.
Smile.
Chew slowly.
And excuse yourself emotionally through the power of stuffing.
get the t-shirt @threadless on sale!
supposably.threadless.com/designs/i-tr...
Smile.
Chew slowly.
And excuse yourself emotionally through the power of stuffing.
get the t-shirt @threadless on sale!
supposably.threadless.com/designs/i-tr...
Your cousin Chad will explain crypto at the table.
Your uncle will call the rolls “too soft.”
You’ll smile, refill your wine, and remember you are not the turkey.
You don’t have to get carved up.
Your uncle will call the rolls “too soft.”
You’ll smile, refill your wine, and remember you are not the turkey.
You don’t have to get carved up.
November 25, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Your cousin Chad will explain crypto at the table.
Your uncle will call the rolls “too soft.”
You’ll smile, refill your wine, and remember you are not the turkey.
You don’t have to get carved up.
Your uncle will call the rolls “too soft.”
You’ll smile, refill your wine, and remember you are not the turkey.
You don’t have to get carved up.
Family gatherings are like potlucks:
Everyone brings something.
Not all of it is edible.
Some of it is just unresolved tension in a Jell-O mold.
Everyone brings something.
Not all of it is edible.
Some of it is just unresolved tension in a Jell-O mold.
November 25, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Family gatherings are like potlucks:
Everyone brings something.
Not all of it is edible.
Some of it is just unresolved tension in a Jell-O mold.
Everyone brings something.
Not all of it is edible.
Some of it is just unresolved tension in a Jell-O mold.
Thanksgiving is that magical time when people who haven’t asked how you are in 11 months suddenly want to know your five-year plan while holding a casserole and sharpening their judgments like knives on the cutting board of your soul.
November 25, 2025 at 12:58 AM
Thanksgiving is that magical time when people who haven’t asked how you are in 11 months suddenly want to know your five-year plan while holding a casserole and sharpening their judgments like knives on the cutting board of your soul.
You’re not the black sheep.
You’re the cranberry in a sea of beige.
Too bright. Too tart.
Absolutely essential.
You’re the cranberry in a sea of beige.
Too bright. Too tart.
Absolutely essential.
November 24, 2025 at 8:57 PM
You’re not the black sheep.
You’re the cranberry in a sea of beige.
Too bright. Too tart.
Absolutely essential.
You’re the cranberry in a sea of beige.
Too bright. Too tart.
Absolutely essential.
Remember: you don’t owe anyone your peace just because they made pie.
Emotional boundaries are just invisible Tupperware.
Snap those lids on tight.
get the shirt @threadless
supposably.threadless.com/designs/some...
Emotional boundaries are just invisible Tupperware.
Snap those lids on tight.
get the shirt @threadless
supposably.threadless.com/designs/some...
November 24, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Remember: you don’t owe anyone your peace just because they made pie.
Emotional boundaries are just invisible Tupperware.
Snap those lids on tight.
get the shirt @threadless
supposably.threadless.com/designs/some...
Emotional boundaries are just invisible Tupperware.
Snap those lids on tight.
get the shirt @threadless
supposably.threadless.com/designs/some...
DAY 001:
I arrive. Transported in a biodegradable burlap sack. The man (known hereafter as Subject B) sets me gently in the sunroom, mutters, “Let’s see how long you last.”
read "Guest Post by Carl the Ficus" on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/dispatches...
I arrive. Transported in a biodegradable burlap sack. The man (known hereafter as Subject B) sets me gently in the sunroom, mutters, “Let’s see how long you last.”
read "Guest Post by Carl the Ficus" on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/dispatches...
November 24, 2025 at 5:17 PM
DAY 001:
I arrive. Transported in a biodegradable burlap sack. The man (known hereafter as Subject B) sets me gently in the sunroom, mutters, “Let’s see how long you last.”
read "Guest Post by Carl the Ficus" on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/dispatches...
I arrive. Transported in a biodegradable burlap sack. The man (known hereafter as Subject B) sets me gently in the sunroom, mutters, “Let’s see how long you last.”
read "Guest Post by Carl the Ficus" on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/dispatches...
There was a year—let’s call it “The Year of the Cheese Log”—when I tried to emotionally process Thanksgiving with my mouth. Things got complicated. Feelings I couldn’t name kept showing up disguised as hunger...
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/dont-eat-t...
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/dont-eat-t...
November 24, 2025 at 3:52 PM
There was a year—let’s call it “The Year of the Cheese Log”—when I tried to emotionally process Thanksgiving with my mouth. Things got complicated. Feelings I couldn’t name kept showing up disguised as hunger...
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/dont-eat-t...
read on substack
thaddeusbutterwell.substack.com/p/dont-eat-t...