Victims of their own insecurities. Confident men don’t need to brand themselves as “alphas” or sell a fake image of masculinity. It's all overcompensation by guys trying way too hard.

I'm going to count the blades of grass in my yard and name them, then I'm going to debate with myself whether cereal is a soup. 👍 I'm good!

I’ve already booked a date with my anxiety meds because, honestly, even I don’t know how to deal. I can turn off the news, crank up some tunes, and vibe in denial, but it’s only a matter of time before some butt nugget brings it up in conversation.

LOL, “really smart and really good with money”? The guy blew through over a billion dollars in a decade and tried to deduct his haircuts on his taxes like a broke college student. But sure, let’s trust him to take on Big Pharma. Maybe he’ll intimidate them with a tweet in ALL CAPS.

Googling “tariff” would require curiosity and a willingness to admit they don’t know something—which is basically kryptonite to the MAGA crowd. They probably think it’s just some fancy French word for “liberal hoax” or maybe a nickname for Trump’s golf caddie.

Trump pardoned 144 people and gave clemency to another 117, including his buddies, convicted liars, and one guy who probably still owes him golf fees, and the media barely blinked. Then Biden pardons his son, and you’d think he personally handed him a rocket launcher and the nuclear codes.

I mean, we’re not hiring mall cops here. It’s not exactly a “take my word for it” situation. Unless, of course, the job description explicitly says “Wanted: sketchy individuals with a flair for evading accountability.” Then sure, no FBI check makes perfect sense.

International cringe diplomacy.

America’s favorite nepotism queen and Argentina’s budget libertarian cosplay enthusiast.

The real question is, does this mean we’ll finally see fewer screenshots of tweets on BlueSky? Or is that too much to hope for?

At this rate, they’re going to have to rename it “Quitter.”

It's like saying Trump’s hair has a “hint of structural irregularity.”

Dinesh’s genius is packaging dumb, fact-free drivel in a way that makes people who failed high school civics feel like they’ve cracked the Da Vinci Code. Half the population isn’t agreeing with him, they’re just too busy eating glue to notice how stupid it all sounds.

Ah yes, the 2024 Honda Tin Shed Edition. Pretty sure my backyard chicken coop has better structural integrity. What are the odds this thing is held together with liquid nails and hope?

Sir, the corgis are literally prancing. Nobody’s mistaking you for John Wick here. Relax and pick up some chew toys.

Ah, yes, because the issue is definitely whether Trump Enterprises is public or private, not the blatant corruption of a guy still profiting off his businesses while pretending to run the country. Keep splitting those hairs, champ. It’s a great look.

This is the same energy as a guy saying, “Trust me, I know what I’m doing,” right before lighting a Roman candle indoors.

It’s like going to a party where the drinks are watered down, the DJ only plays Kid Rock, and someone keeps farting racism into the air. But hey, it’s where everyone is—by “everyone,” I mean bots, Elon sycophants, and your uncle who thinks QAnon is a library club.

Elon, with all his boundless wisdom, musters up a “Cool.” The discourse is just thriving.