maybe i'll break the cycle some day. maybe this is just who i am. so i might as well play it by ear and just keep on living.

hope yall are having a good night, let's all try to just enjoy this enigma called existence

and if i do post (probably as part of a manic episode where i happily think "this is it, i've finally Become Social, only for it to last two days), then there's the whole social media game of eagerly awaiting likes and replies. negative replies are scary, but echoing silence is dread incarnate

i've always been so locked in my own head. anything i put out into the world has to be scrutinized so i know its safe. conflict is scary and making mistakes is scarier.

but people actually seeing *me* is scariest of all