I’m gonna stop ranting now. I don’t even know if what I said makes any sense. I would proof read it, but then I would chicken out and not post this. Then these thoughts would just keep festering inside me, which cannot be good for me.

I am not wanting to hurt myself or abandon my life. I love my little family with bduluth and Addie, but I can’t help wanting more. I am just very sad and lonely. I feel like no one really sees me, but I am scared people would hate me if they saw the real me.

I say all because right now I feel like the real me is not wanted or needed. That if I were to vanish from the various social circles I am in no one would notice or care. I’ve already been gone months in some, and no one has seemed to notice.

I have been called heartless for how easily I remove people from my life. Because as terrifying as being alone is, it is better than changing to better suit the needs of someone else.

I spent decades changing myself to make those around me happy. I would change so keep people in my life. I changed so I wouldn’t go back to being alone.

Well, dinner won’t finish itself. Btw, yes I only have a scarf and thin hoodie on. Thanks for asking.

I could probably peel it off and put it on his white board by his desk. Then Bigfoot could seduce him while he works. If I do this, I will post an update.