Confronted by a room full of people who are better than him in every way, chronic drunk complains about women and fat people.

Standing next to him was the billionaire. This one was certainly smarter than their man - but few weren’t. His ghoulish pallor hinted at genealogical missteps, and the rumors of botched cosmetic surgery were officially met with limp retorts such as, “that’s just his face.”

The Papua New Guinea Courier is in rare form.

Nevertheless, this notorious liar and conman successfully rebranded himself into the leader of the world’s dumbest cult.

Their man made a small fortune by losing most of his father’s money. He was saved by an act of mercy from an executive trying to make a quick buck from low-rent reality TV. But, like his repeated marriages, even that project eventually failed.

He loathed reading, and the most recent addition to his academic bona fides was the fact that he had reportedly passed a dementia screening some years prior.

The diaper he wore helped fill out his suit, but the cheap stripmall bronzer he oddly applied to only parts of his face and the tops of his hands did little to diminish the suspicion that he might recently have fallen out of the casket in a Palm Beach funeral home.

Their man was ogrish. His age and habits had morphed his visage into that of a golem crafted from poultry skin and cottage cheese.