Pope Francis in heaven right now explaining why JD Vance can't be photographed with a couch.

What a jerky-faced buffoon. #autism

Just had to buy eggs. Is 5.3% on a short-term personal loan a good rate? #inflation #eggprices #groceryshopping #trumpisaliar

If it doesn't warm up soon I'm going to let them burn me at the stake for being a witch. #kentucky #weather #winter #socold

Australia is now legally known as Down Under and we're in talks to rename Switzerland to RIIIIIICOLAAAAA. #satire #gulfofamerica #redwhiteandblueland

I went to the gym and now my muscles hurt. I went to the dentist and now my teeth hurt.

Taking care of your body is a conspiracy by Big Pain to sell more Tylenol.

How to get a man: tell him you have a thicc ass and mental illness

How to lose a man: show interest and try to get to know him

Here's a short list of things Elon Musk can't take away from us:

Childhood memories
The taste of ice cream on a hot summer day
This thicc ass
Love and friendship
My mental illnesses

#elonmusk #elon #musk #literallywtf #americaiscooked

Honestly it would be way too easy to lure me into the woods. All you'd need is...the woods.