Tandy's 1st Axiom:

every Dodge Ram truck is larger than the physical space it is currently occupying

“Heaven Must be missing an Angel” is the catchiest song about a zombie

I hereby reject all optional cookies, thank you

Big man, pig man
Haha, charade you are

here a moo
there a moo
everywhere a Theraflu

Anyway, here’s Dragula

BREAKING: Pizza and Wings, the #1 and #2 foods respectively, do not actually complement one another very well. Each is far better when paired with a salad, mozzarella sticks, and/or a ‘tater side. But together, Pizza and Wings are lesser than the sum of their parts.

GRAND
SLAM
DONK

Why oh why aren’t pepitas a fun spicy lil pepper? I always forget until it’s too late that they’re just a boring pumpkin seed

Wishing a very warm, heartfelt, and belated Merry Christmas 2022 to everyone I missed last year!

Congratulations, you’ve won a lifetime supply of Everlasting Gobstoppers!

(It’s just 1)

Mooooommm, Captcha called me a robot

Absolutely thrilled to announce my 10.1 year, $701 million contract to comment on Baseball

The earliest worm sees the hungriest bird. Stay in bed

I put my leftovers tupperthere

Suns up buns up

I don’t even know where to begin