AND YOU ROCK TOO ✨

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GOOD VIBES. IT REALLY AIN'T BUT I'M GONNA BE FINE ❤️❤️❤️

I never talk about my issues as I tend to be very empathetic towards others and I don't wanna burden anyone. But today I felt like writing a couple of words about myself to help with the weekend recovery and it actually helped a lot.
Thanks for reading and I love you all. ❤️ (12/12)

But I appreciate you all, know that I would always love to interact more and I am so grateful that many of you still keep me as a part of their communities and involve me even if they don't get more than a word long answer.
It really makes me happy. (11/12)

What I wanna get at is to ask you all to be patient with me. Understand my difficulties, don't get offended if I might get more distant. Even I am as damaged as many of you.
Understand that even if I know it really doesn't look like it from outside I'm hurting a lot. I'm tired, so tired. (10/12)

Nevertheless when I do I love every moment with my friends, I cherish it, and it makes me so sad that I can't nurture my friendships more and that it has become so difficult for me to integrate inside any group of people.
I have lots of love to give but I can't get it out to you all. (9/12)

I am bereft of every residual energy. I have some days off to recover. But those days are all focused on that, recovering, nothing else.
I want to socialise more, I want to help the LGBTQ+ community more and I do that when I can, most of the time taking the energy from the wrong part of me. (8/12)

So I am still forced to use my ""functional"" persona cause that's what's expected from me in that toxic environment.
I will be infallible but this is literally draining my life force and makes me feel like I won't be able to see retirement as some stress related illness will take me before. (7/12)

Outside of work and in safe places like the fandom or with close friends, while I will still drain the social battery quite fast, I am able to be myself without filters and that's a healthy environment.
But work is fucking killing me, I don't have a strong enough will to just be me there. (6/12)

I had the luck to be able to start on meds and follow a 7 years long therapy which saved me. Now my disorders are much more in check, I am aware of what my mind is doing and I can react to it responsibly and most of all I've learned how to live like myself. (5/12)

This almost killed me and will probably still make me die young.
In order to survive I developed a severe dissociative identity disorder, basically I came to a point in which in order to be what the world wanted me to be, the ""functional"" persona almost annihilated my real identity. (4/12)

I've graduated with the top votes at college, I come across as a social butterfly, I'm great at work and the best problem solver in the office. Everyone wants to talk to me and always comes to me to solve their problems. They wave at me around town and always stop for a word and laugh. (3/12)

However due to my anxiety, social and family history I've forced myself to adapt to the outside world, learning to mask not only my personality but also my disorders and difficulties.
At work, outside, you will talk to me, and you will think I'm the most well integrated person in the world. (2/12)