Lige can't be this hopeless, or else what would be the point in getting up? It's hope that keeps me going. The vision I see in my head of a dream that I desperately want to make come true... I guess I'm not desperate enough, or else it would've happened by now.

I want to push myself harder, but my body won't keep up. It's been like this since my sophomore year of high school. Even before the weight gain, it wasn't this bad. I feel tired all the time, and even though I take my meds, it tires out my body and my spirit. My mind is tired of the ruminating.

I sometimes lose the courage to progress because I'm afraid of failure. What I remind myself is that if I don't try, at least I'll never know. I say this all because I turn 27 next month and I don't have anything to show for it. I've done a lot, but it hasn't amounted to much.

I try not to swipe too long on dating apps,but going out and approaching someone is so difficult as a woman. I dress cute every day, but my problem is that I don't go out very often. When I do go to the mall and stores nothing happens. I'll think about joining some kind of club when I start college.

On energy drink #2 for the day. I have an evening to night shift today, and then it's two days off. As young as I am, I drink 2 a day because I'm always tired. I'm tired because I don't get enough sleep and meds. I've become more sensitive to foods I used to love and rat like a trash 🐼.

Some ppl don't see the dream of success you have for yourself. You have to go for it no matter what.