Better, thank you Obie. Getting used to the idea, also the therapy has been incredibly helpful 🌬🍃 I will share pictures of my new home as soon as I move in!

Thanks Obie

I feel insecure, I wonder if he really wants us to be together, if our dreams were not his, but mine. Did I push too hard, failed to be present? I tried to take care of him, always. But its not enough. Still not enough.

All our plans for the future, the life we wanted, the family we wanted... I feel all turned into dust.

And I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me as well. But I feel very lost. Empty. And when I don't feel empty, I feel full of anger and deeply sad.

Believe me I know this is about him, not about me. But I can't help but feel sad, and angry, and betrayed. I feel I'm not enough to keep him safe and happy.

I feel at lost, and overwhelmed, and very useless. I don't have the tools to help him, and I feel I'm being dragged into some very ugly feelings.

Last time was pills, this time he self harmed with a razor blade.

and in my ears