Message from a stranger online: “you are so beautiful and wonderful and gorgeous I would totally worship you.”
The stranger in question: ugliest man I have ever laid eyes on in my life.
The stranger in question: ugliest man I have ever laid eyes on in my life.
January 30, 2025 at 11:43 AM
Message from a stranger online: “you are so beautiful and wonderful and gorgeous I would totally worship you.”
The stranger in question: ugliest man I have ever laid eyes on in my life.
The stranger in question: ugliest man I have ever laid eyes on in my life.
My mom just laughed at a joke I told, and said, “I like that, that’s funny.” I have never felt this emotion before.
January 26, 2025 at 6:54 PM
My mom just laughed at a joke I told, and said, “I like that, that’s funny.” I have never felt this emotion before.
My twenties: getting drunk and going out and trying to get laid.
My thirties: getting high and going out and trying to get laid.
My thirties: getting high and going out and trying to get laid.
January 26, 2025 at 5:32 PM
My twenties: getting drunk and going out and trying to get laid.
My thirties: getting high and going out and trying to get laid.
My thirties: getting high and going out and trying to get laid.
I need a boyfriend because somebody’s gotta pop this giant zit on my ass that I can’t reach.
January 13, 2025 at 4:36 PM
I need a boyfriend because somebody’s gotta pop this giant zit on my ass that I can’t reach.
I don’t use AI software like ChatGPT simply because I’m better than everyone else.
January 13, 2025 at 4:58 AM
I don’t use AI software like ChatGPT simply because I’m better than everyone else.
When you read something online and can’t understand what they’re trying to say. It’s like, “am I the stupid one? I don’t think I’m the stupid one.”
January 11, 2025 at 10:57 AM
When you read something online and can’t understand what they’re trying to say. It’s like, “am I the stupid one? I don’t think I’m the stupid one.”
Have I ever told y’all how buoyant I am? I can relax in a body of water, no kicking or paddling or floating on my back, and I will continue to float and stay upright.
If I had been on the titanic, things would’ve gone differently.
If I had been on the titanic, things would’ve gone differently.
December 30, 2024 at 8:35 PM
Have I ever told y’all how buoyant I am? I can relax in a body of water, no kicking or paddling or floating on my back, and I will continue to float and stay upright.
If I had been on the titanic, things would’ve gone differently.
If I had been on the titanic, things would’ve gone differently.
I’ve been eating lots of candy and not brushing my teeth. It’s done wonders for my mental health. My dental health, on the other hand…
December 27, 2024 at 9:54 AM
I’ve been eating lots of candy and not brushing my teeth. It’s done wonders for my mental health. My dental health, on the other hand…
The only thing I love more than having a gay brother is being a severely mentally ill sister.
December 25, 2024 at 12:18 AM
The only thing I love more than having a gay brother is being a severely mentally ill sister.
If I were a man, I would wear a skirt and piss everybody off. Instead, I’m a delicate lady, and when I wear a skirt no one gets mad. Please advise on ways a young woman can anger large groups of conservatives at one time.
December 24, 2024 at 8:32 AM
If I were a man, I would wear a skirt and piss everybody off. Instead, I’m a delicate lady, and when I wear a skirt no one gets mad. Please advise on ways a young woman can anger large groups of conservatives at one time.
My aunt who doesn’t think she has autism but definitely does: I think my dog has autism.
December 23, 2024 at 5:00 PM
My aunt who doesn’t think she has autism but definitely does: I think my dog has autism.
Mom: we’re water boarding a spider!
Me: yeah, we’re George W Bush-ing it!
Mom: he didn’t water board anyone, did he?
Me: …
Me: yeah, we’re George W Bush-ing it!
Mom: he didn’t water board anyone, did he?
Me: …
December 23, 2024 at 3:42 PM
Mom: we’re water boarding a spider!
Me: yeah, we’re George W Bush-ing it!
Mom: he didn’t water board anyone, did he?
Me: …
Me: yeah, we’re George W Bush-ing it!
Mom: he didn’t water board anyone, did he?
Me: …
Will I ever find true love?
Steve Harvey: “Will she ever find true love… survey says: better luck next time. Damn. Even I don’t know what that means, and I (Steve Harvey) host the show!”
Steve Harvey: “Will she ever find true love… survey says: better luck next time. Damn. Even I don’t know what that means, and I (Steve Harvey) host the show!”
December 20, 2024 at 7:47 AM
Will I ever find true love?
Steve Harvey: “Will she ever find true love… survey says: better luck next time. Damn. Even I don’t know what that means, and I (Steve Harvey) host the show!”
Steve Harvey: “Will she ever find true love… survey says: better luck next time. Damn. Even I don’t know what that means, and I (Steve Harvey) host the show!”
Dr. Pepper Zero saved my life fr dawg.
December 9, 2024 at 9:51 PM
Dr. Pepper Zero saved my life fr dawg.
Feels like calling someone a Butterball Turkey should be highly offensive. Perhaps even a slur.
December 3, 2024 at 9:13 PM
Feels like calling someone a Butterball Turkey should be highly offensive. Perhaps even a slur.
Watch out world, I’m stupid and horny and I don’t CARE who knows it!
September 1, 2024 at 9:05 PM
Watch out world, I’m stupid and horny and I don’t CARE who knows it!
Oh you want the truth? Ok here it is: some of y’all are stupid as fuck.
June 22, 2024 at 11:57 AM
Oh you want the truth? Ok here it is: some of y’all are stupid as fuck.
Supportive wife: “my husband totally killed at his comedy show!”
Me, who knows that guy: “I’m certain that’s not true.”
Me, who knows that guy: “I’m certain that’s not true.”
June 14, 2024 at 5:35 AM
Supportive wife: “my husband totally killed at his comedy show!”
Me, who knows that guy: “I’m certain that’s not true.”
Me, who knows that guy: “I’m certain that’s not true.”
Empty can of Pringle’s or pocket pussy? You decide.
June 13, 2024 at 2:12 AM
Empty can of Pringle’s or pocket pussy? You decide.
I have very mean thoughts, all the time, every day. Like I’ll see someone and just think, “wow that’s an ugly person.” I’m worried that someday I will get dementia and all those thoughts will come out of my mouth. I’m also worried I’ll try to have sex with everybody.
June 11, 2024 at 10:56 PM
I have very mean thoughts, all the time, every day. Like I’ll see someone and just think, “wow that’s an ugly person.” I’m worried that someday I will get dementia and all those thoughts will come out of my mouth. I’m also worried I’ll try to have sex with everybody.
The best revenge is becoming famous.
June 11, 2024 at 12:16 PM
The best revenge is becoming famous.
I would define my sexuality as: “can you make me orgasm? You can? Ok, then do it.” What is that? Slutty pansexual?
June 9, 2024 at 6:24 PM
I would define my sexuality as: “can you make me orgasm? You can? Ok, then do it.” What is that? Slutty pansexual?
May 28, 2024 at 12:55 AM
“Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes, and so do I.” - me telling a man I can’t go hiking with him because I have diarrhea.
May 7, 2024 at 8:53 AM
“Does a bear shit in the woods? Yes, and so do I.” - me telling a man I can’t go hiking with him because I have diarrhea.