The Patchy the Pirate episodes of SpongeBob feel like a favor to someone's son-in-law

✷ TRASH ANIMALS ✷

Enraged at how much better I feel after going to the gym

If you are buying anything smaller than the family size M&Ms you're wasting your candy money.
#budgetsmarter

I've become so averse to advertising that anything regularly put in front of me makes me less likely to want it. This movie with Will Ferrell and Reese Witherspoon? Never going to watch it BECAUSE it has been on my TV home screen every time I turn it on.

Badgers look like a 4:3 image displayed on a 16:9 display

Every illness I contract as an adult makes me want to live on a remote island more and more

"Drunk At A Chili's on a Monday Night Before Christmas" would be an awesome Panic At The Disco song and also what I currently am.