Strength.

wait isn't -26 like impossibly good in a roll-under context

I vault heroically directly into its clutches!

"AAAAAHHH! OH NO! HE WAS RIGHT! HELL IS REAL!!!!"

ruh roh

Rub the fruit beverage on the burns and start drinking the burn cream [sic].

Here we go baby!!!

Oh jeez. Do I have that much on me?

Stop into the gift shop, it looks like.
"Do you guys have any overpriced burn salve or overpriced fruit beverage?"

i'm doing great again

I hem, haw, and make a show of attempting to section off and snip away portions of the cobwebs with my teeth-pickin' dagger before 'accidentally' (intentionally) dropping my torch onto the corpse. I clumsily attempt to beat it out, but i'm half-assing it.

"I'm the county cobweb inspector. Gotta make sure nobody's been weaving on your cadaver without a license. This torch is in case we have to do a controlled burn on any contraband."

A failure. Egad!

9, 9, 8. I'll be an acrobat. I would like to open the sarcophagus.