I brunt my popcorn and now my house smells like burnt popcorn :(

Yo

sometimes people ask me how I am and all I can say is “well, I certainly am!”

Now that Trump has declared every American a woman, I have taken it upon myself to be a menace. So I have been reaching out to my anti-LGBTQ+ family members to ask them “how it feels to be a woman” or “what it’s like to be in a lesbian relationship”. My grandma has not responded.

Sometimes I’m just sitting somewhere and suddenly I realize: “Wow, I‘m such a person”

There is one question that has truly followed me through my whole life: what even is celery salt? I finally decided to google it the other day only to find that it is in fact ground celery seeds mixed with salt. My life will never be the same

Wow! Would you look at that…I’m here now