But every day, moving forward feels less scary.

Writing flows to me again. I'm picking old hobbies up and learning new things. Even if it's with many tears. That hasn't been a thing for me in years. Maybe someday I'll create beautiful things from a happy place again rather than from pain.

I have nothing I need to prove. The right people have stood by me, even after seeing me at my worst and ugliest.

And if anything, this year taught me to set better boundaries. Love without boundaries can hurt you and eventually create a monster.

I'm scared I'll never be happy again though.

I fell into old patterns of pretending to be okay. My happiness was always my charm, but it wasn't always authentic. Yet, I'm realizing forcing myself to always shine like the sun only hurt me and others in the long run.

I was trying to prove myself. That's something I've been trying to tackle.

With that said, I'm resting this holiday season for the first time. These weeks have always been busy weeks for me. I'm taking the night for myself, gaming with one of my best friends and writing.

It's a simple day for me, but I'm looking forward to it. Happy Christmas eve to all. 🩷