One Hoopy Frood
@succulent.horse
he/him | Flyover country, USA | I'm a 40-something cishet white guy with a healthy dose of AuDHD and anxiety exploring alternative relationship styles and solo polyamory. What could go wrong?
I was joking with a friend last night about some silly reasons why I was single.
Truth is, this is why I'm not dating anyone. I'm such a wreck. It doesn't seem fair to ask anyone to try to put up with me.
I don't even want to put up with me.
Truth is, this is why I'm not dating anyone. I'm such a wreck. It doesn't seem fair to ask anyone to try to put up with me.
I don't even want to put up with me.
January 10, 2026 at 8:19 PM
I was joking with a friend last night about some silly reasons why I was single.
Truth is, this is why I'm not dating anyone. I'm such a wreck. It doesn't seem fair to ask anyone to try to put up with me.
I don't even want to put up with me.
Truth is, this is why I'm not dating anyone. I'm such a wreck. It doesn't seem fair to ask anyone to try to put up with me.
I don't even want to put up with me.
I just can't do it. I can't go. I can't even ask people to listen to me talk about it right now when there's so much more serious shit going on in the world.
At the end of the day, everybody is dealing with their own stuff. It feels selfish to ask any of them to help me deal with mine.
At the end of the day, everybody is dealing with their own stuff. It feels selfish to ask any of them to help me deal with mine.
January 10, 2026 at 8:19 PM
I just can't do it. I can't go. I can't even ask people to listen to me talk about it right now when there's so much more serious shit going on in the world.
At the end of the day, everybody is dealing with their own stuff. It feels selfish to ask any of them to help me deal with mine.
At the end of the day, everybody is dealing with their own stuff. It feels selfish to ask any of them to help me deal with mine.
I don't love myself, and I can't ask anyone to love me until I do.
January 1, 2026 at 9:46 PM
I don't love myself, and I can't ask anyone to love me until I do.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm not dating. I'm still far too fucked up to pursue a relationship beyond being a comet.
I can go have fun for a weekend or a week or two, and then I'm so exhausted from masking that I need the time after to rest and recover.
I can go have fun for a weekend or a week or two, and then I'm so exhausted from masking that I need the time after to rest and recover.
January 1, 2026 at 9:46 PM
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm not dating. I'm still far too fucked up to pursue a relationship beyond being a comet.
I can go have fun for a weekend or a week or two, and then I'm so exhausted from masking that I need the time after to rest and recover.
I can go have fun for a weekend or a week or two, and then I'm so exhausted from masking that I need the time after to rest and recover.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm not dating. I'm still far too fucked up to pursue a relationship beyond being a comet.
I can go have fun for a weekend or a week or two, and then I'm so exhausted from masking that I need the time after to rest and recover.
I can go have fun for a weekend or a week or two, and then I'm so exhausted from masking that I need the time after to rest and recover.
January 1, 2026 at 9:39 PM
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm not dating. I'm still far too fucked up to pursue a relationship beyond being a comet.
I can go have fun for a weekend or a week or two, and then I'm so exhausted from masking that I need the time after to rest and recover.
I can go have fun for a weekend or a week or two, and then I'm so exhausted from masking that I need the time after to rest and recover.
I don't want that to change, and so that means that I can't really change. I have to keep curating this version of myself. So I can't work out, I can't talk about my feelings, I can't try posting thirst traps. I have to limit self-expression to what already exists.
I need people to like me.
I need people to like me.
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
I don't want that to change, and so that means that I can't really change. I have to keep curating this version of myself. So I can't work out, I can't talk about my feelings, I can't try posting thirst traps. I have to limit self-expression to what already exists.
I need people to like me.
I need people to like me.
And I don't think I can handle that kind of rejection.
There's plenty of platitudes that go along with this; it's not like I'm revealing something so unique.
That's what it's about though. I am good with being quirky in an appealing way, the kind that make people want me around.
There's plenty of platitudes that go along with this; it's not like I'm revealing something so unique.
That's what it's about though. I am good with being quirky in an appealing way, the kind that make people want me around.
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
And I don't think I can handle that kind of rejection.
There's plenty of platitudes that go along with this; it's not like I'm revealing something so unique.
That's what it's about though. I am good with being quirky in an appealing way, the kind that make people want me around.
There's plenty of platitudes that go along with this; it's not like I'm revealing something so unique.
That's what it's about though. I am good with being quirky in an appealing way, the kind that make people want me around.
And that's really it - I'm afraid that I'll lose people if I am too much of myself. I'm not even afraid of being bullied or harassed like I was as a kid, but I'm just afraid that people will say "I don't like what Dan is showing me about him."
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
And that's really it - I'm afraid that I'll lose people if I am too much of myself. I'm not even afraid of being bullied or harassed like I was as a kid, but I'm just afraid that people will say "I don't like what Dan is showing me about him."
"Did you write this?" - and I can say yes but that's where it stops.
I don't want people to ask that question, I don't want them to know what's in my head.
I want them to know the carefully curated, masked version of me where I only reveal the things I want them to know.
I want them to like me.
I don't want people to ask that question, I don't want them to know what's in my head.
I want them to know the carefully curated, masked version of me where I only reveal the things I want them to know.
I want them to like me.
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
"Did you write this?" - and I can say yes but that's where it stops.
I don't want people to ask that question, I don't want them to know what's in my head.
I want them to know the carefully curated, masked version of me where I only reveal the things I want them to know.
I want them to like me.
I don't want people to ask that question, I don't want them to know what's in my head.
I want them to know the carefully curated, masked version of me where I only reveal the things I want them to know.
I want them to like me.
I don't know that these posts make much sense - they're rambling and scattered.
At the end of the day, when I think about writing things under my own name - about sharing my feelings where the people that know me could read about them - I stop.
I picture different people asking me -
At the end of the day, when I think about writing things under my own name - about sharing my feelings where the people that know me could read about them - I stop.
I picture different people asking me -
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
I don't know that these posts make much sense - they're rambling and scattered.
At the end of the day, when I think about writing things under my own name - about sharing my feelings where the people that know me could read about them - I stop.
I picture different people asking me -
At the end of the day, when I think about writing things under my own name - about sharing my feelings where the people that know me could read about them - I stop.
I picture different people asking me -
It's like there's a magical force field that's impossible to break through when it comes to visualizing a different person in those ways.
"I'll never be that person, so why bother thinking about it?" it says.
It makes me want to cry anytime I think about it, so I stop. It's too hard.
"I'll never be that person, so why bother thinking about it?" it says.
It makes me want to cry anytime I think about it, so I stop. It's too hard.
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
It's like there's a magical force field that's impossible to break through when it comes to visualizing a different person in those ways.
"I'll never be that person, so why bother thinking about it?" it says.
It makes me want to cry anytime I think about it, so I stop. It's too hard.
"I'll never be that person, so why bother thinking about it?" it says.
It makes me want to cry anytime I think about it, so I stop. It's too hard.
Dad was 68 and outlived all three of his siblings. Cancer got three of the four, and alcoholism and depression got the fourth.
I'm not expecting I'll live past 60.
But the point here? I can't visualize myself working out or being a healthier, slimmer guy. Same with dating and relationships.
I'm not expecting I'll live past 60.
But the point here? I can't visualize myself working out or being a healthier, slimmer guy. Same with dating and relationships.
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
Dad was 68 and outlived all three of his siblings. Cancer got three of the four, and alcoholism and depression got the fourth.
I'm not expecting I'll live past 60.
But the point here? I can't visualize myself working out or being a healthier, slimmer guy. Same with dating and relationships.
I'm not expecting I'll live past 60.
But the point here? I can't visualize myself working out or being a healthier, slimmer guy. Same with dating and relationships.
It's so damn hard to unlearn and grow past those things. I hold myself back intentionally and I don't understand why.
I don't work out or get nearly enough exercise for a mostly sedentary overweight guy who's been gifted with a genetic likelihood for a short life span.
I don't work out or get nearly enough exercise for a mostly sedentary overweight guy who's been gifted with a genetic likelihood for a short life span.
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
It's so damn hard to unlearn and grow past those things. I hold myself back intentionally and I don't understand why.
I don't work out or get nearly enough exercise for a mostly sedentary overweight guy who's been gifted with a genetic likelihood for a short life span.
I don't work out or get nearly enough exercise for a mostly sedentary overweight guy who's been gifted with a genetic likelihood for a short life span.
They're able to articulate their wants, their needs, their desires, and express their whole selves.
Meanwhile, I'm still sitting here holding everything back. I learned so long ago that I couldn't be myself growing up. I got so much negative attention then and I still isolate myself even now.
Meanwhile, I'm still sitting here holding everything back. I learned so long ago that I couldn't be myself growing up. I got so much negative attention then and I still isolate myself even now.
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
They're able to articulate their wants, their needs, their desires, and express their whole selves.
Meanwhile, I'm still sitting here holding everything back. I learned so long ago that I couldn't be myself growing up. I got so much negative attention then and I still isolate myself even now.
Meanwhile, I'm still sitting here holding everything back. I learned so long ago that I couldn't be myself growing up. I got so much negative attention then and I still isolate myself even now.
We're close enough to talk every day, but she's put up walls from pursuing much more - and I can understand why.
But this isn't about her.
This is, ultimately, about me.
Those Threads posts are full of women embracing their whole, authentic selves.
But this isn't about her.
This is, ultimately, about me.
Those Threads posts are full of women embracing their whole, authentic selves.
January 1, 2026 at 9:36 PM
We're close enough to talk every day, but she's put up walls from pursuing much more - and I can understand why.
But this isn't about her.
This is, ultimately, about me.
Those Threads posts are full of women embracing their whole, authentic selves.
But this isn't about her.
This is, ultimately, about me.
Those Threads posts are full of women embracing their whole, authentic selves.
So what now? I'm still stuck trying to figure out what to get her.
I have some ideas, but they don't seem to exist. I want to come up with something heartfelt.
Panicked searching.
Nothing.
More searching.
Panic.
Worry.
I'm the worst.
I hate the holidays.
I hate myself.
I have some ideas, but they don't seem to exist. I want to come up with something heartfelt.
Panicked searching.
Nothing.
More searching.
Panic.
Worry.
I'm the worst.
I hate the holidays.
I hate myself.
December 24, 2025 at 5:44 AM
So what now? I'm still stuck trying to figure out what to get her.
I have some ideas, but they don't seem to exist. I want to come up with something heartfelt.
Panicked searching.
Nothing.
More searching.
Panic.
Worry.
I'm the worst.
I hate the holidays.
I hate myself.
I have some ideas, but they don't seem to exist. I want to come up with something heartfelt.
Panicked searching.
Nothing.
More searching.
Panic.
Worry.
I'm the worst.
I hate the holidays.
I hate myself.
Which, yeah, I guess I have. I won't see her until Monday, so there's a little time. But I still don't know what to get her.
I texted my closest friend looking for support and got "well, I made a list," so that was a waste of time. As usual, I'm on my own. Friends are overrated.
I texted my closest friend looking for support and got "well, I made a list," so that was a waste of time. As usual, I'm on my own. Friends are overrated.
December 24, 2025 at 5:44 AM
Which, yeah, I guess I have. I won't see her until Monday, so there's a little time. But I still don't know what to get her.
I texted my closest friend looking for support and got "well, I made a list," so that was a waste of time. As usual, I'm on my own. Friends are overrated.
I texted my closest friend looking for support and got "well, I made a list," so that was a waste of time. As usual, I'm on my own. Friends are overrated.
I do that a lot. But it's also not the first time I've stressed about it so much and have put it off for so long that I've screwed myself.
I haven't fully screwed myself just yet. But it's close. And I'm really worried now about buying something that makes it look like I procrastinated.
I haven't fully screwed myself just yet. But it's close. And I'm really worried now about buying something that makes it look like I procrastinated.
December 24, 2025 at 5:44 AM
I do that a lot. But it's also not the first time I've stressed about it so much and have put it off for so long that I've screwed myself.
I haven't fully screwed myself just yet. But it's close. And I'm really worried now about buying something that makes it look like I procrastinated.
I haven't fully screwed myself just yet. But it's close. And I'm really worried now about buying something that makes it look like I procrastinated.
It's like I expect that if I let myself get too close to someone that rejection will be inevitable.
May 20, 2025 at 8:46 PM
It's like I expect that if I let myself get too close to someone that rejection will be inevitable.
Have I reached a point where I'm just happy for someone to spend time with me? It's like I don't expect things to ever go beyond me being a comet.
May 20, 2025 at 8:44 PM
Have I reached a point where I'm just happy for someone to spend time with me? It's like I don't expect things to ever go beyond me being a comet.