Ezal Moneypenny
@stumbletongue.bsky.social
I used to be a lot of things but now I’m just me. Atrabilious by nature, not cuz I hate ya. Pizza slut. Dysthymic muppet. Cat dad. Raider Nation.
Tonight’s forecast: Partly cloudy with a chance of binge drinking.
December 10, 2025 at 1:04 AM
Tonight’s forecast: Partly cloudy with a chance of binge drinking.
If Jehovah was smart he would’ve killed all of the witnesses.
December 8, 2025 at 6:52 AM
If Jehovah was smart he would’ve killed all of the witnesses.
One of my cousins is married to a twin. My other cousin (his younger brother) is a widower who just started dating his big brother’s wife’s twin sister. I don’t normally hang out with them on xmas, but I am this year. I gotta see this shit live and in concert.
December 7, 2025 at 2:09 AM
One of my cousins is married to a twin. My other cousin (his younger brother) is a widower who just started dating his big brother’s wife’s twin sister. I don’t normally hang out with them on xmas, but I am this year. I gotta see this shit live and in concert.
Four finger rings are just legalized brass knuckles.
November 8, 2025 at 4:46 AM
Four finger rings are just legalized brass knuckles.
The worst part about being single is all of the wasted kisses.
October 28, 2025 at 3:44 AM
The worst part about being single is all of the wasted kisses.
I like cinnamon and I also like pine cones, but those cinnamon scented pine cones that are about to show up everywhere make me gag.
October 24, 2025 at 10:00 AM
I like cinnamon and I also like pine cones, but those cinnamon scented pine cones that are about to show up everywhere make me gag.
The best part about selling my soul is all of the demon girls riding my jock.
October 23, 2025 at 5:56 AM
The best part about selling my soul is all of the demon girls riding my jock.
Tit for tat sounds sexier than it is.
October 16, 2025 at 1:39 AM
Tit for tat sounds sexier than it is.
I wasn’t expecting to get into a beatbox bottle in the middle of Walmart, but I still walked away as champion.
September 28, 2025 at 12:01 AM
I wasn’t expecting to get into a beatbox bottle in the middle of Walmart, but I still walked away as champion.
The worst part about getting older is the random injuries. I totally hurt myself masturbating today. I mean, a sex swing and a 18 inch tentacle dildo were involved, but still it makes you think.
September 12, 2025 at 7:00 AM
The worst part about getting older is the random injuries. I totally hurt myself masturbating today. I mean, a sex swing and a 18 inch tentacle dildo were involved, but still it makes you think.
How funny is it that the MTV Video Music Awards are on CBS?
September 8, 2025 at 3:07 AM
How funny is it that the MTV Video Music Awards are on CBS?
I got harangued once. Won’t happen again.
September 5, 2025 at 4:11 AM
I got harangued once. Won’t happen again.
My bong is older than you.
September 5, 2025 at 3:59 AM
My bong is older than you.
Work is way more fun when you stop worrying about consequences.
September 1, 2025 at 3:37 AM
Work is way more fun when you stop worrying about consequences.
Self-absorption is one of my super powers.
August 31, 2025 at 1:30 AM
Self-absorption is one of my super powers.
My neighbor’s trash cans have been outside for weeks. They’re either on vacation or dead. Either way, I’m jumping the fence and going swimming.
August 22, 2025 at 6:24 AM
My neighbor’s trash cans have been outside for weeks. They’re either on vacation or dead. Either way, I’m jumping the fence and going swimming.
So long leaving early every Friday. It was fun while it lasted.
August 15, 2025 at 6:38 AM
So long leaving early every Friday. It was fun while it lasted.
You’ve got to admire weeds. They’re hard to kill and they grow wherever the fuck they want to.
August 10, 2025 at 3:23 AM
You’ve got to admire weeds. They’re hard to kill and they grow wherever the fuck they want to.
Aliteracy and ignorance go hand and hand.
August 1, 2025 at 6:27 AM
Aliteracy and ignorance go hand and hand.
Is disingenuity a word? It should be because I’ve got it.
July 20, 2025 at 2:52 AM
Is disingenuity a word? It should be because I’ve got it.
*dips you in egg wash and makes French milquetoast*
July 19, 2025 at 3:45 AM
*dips you in egg wash and makes French milquetoast*
I’m probably has gout years old.
July 10, 2025 at 5:06 AM
I’m probably has gout years old.
Happy 9th of July to the assholes still shooting off fireworks. Enough already.
July 10, 2025 at 4:58 AM
Happy 9th of July to the assholes still shooting off fireworks. Enough already.
If you’ve never hidden drugs up your ass you’re not as cool as you think you are.
July 4, 2025 at 6:43 AM
If you’ve never hidden drugs up your ass you’re not as cool as you think you are.
I piss in my backyard to mark my territory. I piss in my front yard just for kicks.
June 30, 2025 at 3:52 AM
I piss in my backyard to mark my territory. I piss in my front yard just for kicks.