Stoned Ferret Poetry
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stonedferretpoetry.bsky.social
Stoned Ferret Poetry
@stonedferretpoetry.bsky.social
3 followers 7 following 7 posts
A secondary account to serve as the home for my poetry. My poems center mainly around horror, food, comedy, and my reactions to the world around us.

Find all my work free on my Patreon.

https://www.patreon.com/stoned_ferrets_woodland_wanderings
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stonedferretpoetry.bsky.social
Hey everyone, I hope you're taking care of yourselves and each other today. Here's a #poem I wrote for everyone who loves spicy food as much as their stomach hates it. If you enjoy it, please consider checking out my Patreon, where you can find all of my work for #free.
Chicken Nugget Nightmare Sep 29, 2023 Rubber chicken bubble bath, Greasy chicken nugget, Never learned a lick of math How many in this bucket? Counting on my hands and feet, Spilling sweet and sour, Wolfing down this deep fried meat By dozens every hour. Teriyaki, honey mustard, barbecue, atomic, Churning in this raging pit of lava once a stomach. Though many hours pass, a fire immolates my mouth, Then I feel the terror of what waits for me down south. My body is a war zone, a broken ruin burning, Though I may never eat again, I’m bad at lesson learning. For if I ever do, I know I will forget this day, Once more my organs pay the price, the spice will have its way.
November 11, 2025 at 2:28 PM
Reposted by Stoned Ferret Poetry
lcfathom.bsky.social
I wrote a book about a "tradcon" white man coming to grips with his and America's bigotry while in prison therapy. Why? Because no one else has, and people struggling to unlearn hatred need relatable characters to show them the way.
#SpoonieAuthChat #ShamelessPromoFriday #Booksky
November 7, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Reposted by Stoned Ferret Poetry
authormikedc.bsky.social
SWORD ART ONLINE x PRINCESS BRIDE x SELLOUT by DAN OZZI x DUNGEON CRAWLER CARL

A punk barista and a long-lost princess have one month to save a video game world that's been cursed by an authoritarian Dragon King, and sugar, they're going down swinging 🖤 🎸 🤘

#QuestPit #Q #NA #SFF
Three Cheers for NPC Revenge From Under the Cursed Tree
November 5, 2025 at 3:08 PM
stonedferretpoetry.bsky.social
Sup everybody, happy Friday! I wrote this poem almost a year ago, and with each passing day, I realize that this isn't about any one particular streamer. It's about the streamer hive-mind that shields them from proper hygiene, intelligent takes, or the ability to talk to other people in real life.
Cuckophony January 23 Grubby fingers on sticky keys lamenting life’s hypocrisies As moldy, dented cola cans survey him scrolling OnlyFans. Screeching that they’re fattened whores, he throws his soda on the floor. Roaches spill from every shadow, grateful for a man so fallow. A wasted life at forty-three, he drowns in mediocrity. Expelling from his sweaty hands a book he doesn’t understand, Goodnight Moon falls unexplored upon a sock, stiff as a board. Frightened, weak-willed, meek and callow, he never ventured past the shallows. Mouse stops working, programs freeze, he shits himself and starts to pee. He needs to chat, must make his stand, who else will fight for this white man? All must know how he abhors the “Woke Mind Virus”, shore to shore. Gaming is his ground, so hallowed, how can he watch it meet the gallows? Sequestered from his betters, on he festers with an impotent rage, He slams the door and screams some more within his shit encrusted cage.
November 7, 2025 at 2:23 PM
stonedferretpoetry.bsky.social
Happy Thursday everybody, I gotta be honest, I don't know what the fuck this #poem is, but when I came up with the first two lines I was like "I have to do something with this." Thanks for taking the time to read this fever dream, and I hope it inspires you to have more fever dreams of your own.
Please Stop Doing That Sep 26, 2023 Centenarian vagabond ejaculating stars In kaleidoscopic detonations visible from Mars. A rusting Lady Liberty surveils the lurid scene, Describing in divine mathematics everything obscene. Pilgrims in pearlescent habits take down every word As debutantes in states of panic flail at the absurd. A mockery of majesty is all the blind fools see, They fail to peak behind the veil or sup of sacred teas. A spectacle of grand design to wake the sleeping souls. The wizened man grins broadly as the sounds bring mountain trolls To feed upon apostates, put asunder temple walls, And shatter dark illusions, raise us up from where we crawl. A scarlet spirit, lost for ages, rests in deepest slumber, A yellow eye splits open, wide, amidst the sounds of thunder.
November 6, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Reposted by Stoned Ferret Poetry
homicidalkgs.bsky.social
Benny is almost ready to have surgery! Keep liking and sharing, he's at the 70% mark!
November 5, 2025 at 3:42 PM
stonedferretpoetry.bsky.social
Sup y'all, happy Wednesday! Enjoy this #horror #poem I wrote about a kidnapping victim who's been turned into a surgical chimera and loosed upon Central Park to unleash devastation on the masses. If you enjoy it, consider checking out my Patreon, where you can find all of my work for free.
Man, That's A Foul Sight Sep 17, 2023 Paralyzed fanatic shackled to a wooden chair, Blood and oil dripping from his shaggy, greasy hair. Antlers made of human bone now frame his feral features, Grafted to his skull to craft a haunting hybrid creature. Feet removed below the joint, replaced with lupine paws, Hands were hacked off at the wrist, he’s sporting king crab claws. Teeth torn out, now rows of fangs to mimic great white sharks, They let him loose, confused and starving, inside Central Park. Laughter turns to screaming as he falls upon his prey, Ripping, tearing, gnashing, gnawing, mindless in the fray. Four have fallen, torn asunder, to never rise again, One, half living, trashed and scattered, begging for the end. News and copper helicopters dominate the sky, Searching through the aftermath for any reason why.
November 5, 2025 at 12:26 PM
stonedferretpoetry.bsky.social
Sup y'all, here's another horror poem of mine titled "A Darkness in the Light." The moral of this story is "if you intend to kidnap and torture a holy man, don't fuck it up." I hope you enjoy!

#horror #poem #poetry #free #horrorfantasy
A Darkness in the Light Sep 15, 2023 Masochistic flagellant trussed up in leather straps, Blue-white fire licking at the meat between the flaps Of flayed and salted skin dripping down into the flames. Screaming holy curses at his captives twisted frame. Feline eyes stare out from lidless sockets all the while A set of crooked, steepled fingers mask a hungry smile. Violent boils ripple over every inch of skin Bursting forth with newborn life to fill the world with sin. A maggot, plucked from off the floor is placed upon the face Of the former Grand Theogenist, now roasted and debased. It crawls across his weathered features, searching for the eyes, And gnaws its way into his head, amidst his tortured cries. Its hungry mouth devours every speck of brain it finds, Forcing mad convulsions from a shattered, dying mind. Breaking through the other side, returning to its master, This plump abomination’s swallowed whole and brings disaster. The holy invocations screamed in fearful desperation Dispelled the magic barriers protecting this location. The words of Arithysmus dug into the cursed soul To scour with a cleansing light this squalid, wretched hole. A psychic cry of dissolution ripped through catacombs Destroying all the ghouls and foul sprites that call them home. Grasping claws seek purchase in a tomb now torn asunder, A far-off bell is tolling, masking sounds of brewing thunder. A shriek of evil eons old brought low before the light, But every day, a new soul spreads this never-ending blight.
November 3, 2025 at 12:05 PM
stonedferretpoetry.bsky.social
Sup y'all, happy Sunday. I'm Stoned Ferret and this is my first day on a new account built for sharing my #poetry with you all. I'm better at writing than I am at promoting myself, but no one can read things that they don't know exist, so I'm going to try. This is a nature #horrorstory +
A Beautiful Garden Sep 15, 2023 Sanity falters as days slip away, Numb to the process of mental decay. Every new hour brings horrors undreamt As powerful flowers grow through hair, unkempt. The roots bore through bone as my skull splits apart, A bastardized fusion of nightmare and art. Neon spores forcing me into the light To propagate freely their sickening blight. As rain starts to patter against the dry earth, My head is splayed open by the prodigious girth Of thorn covered vines, an explosive display, My frail body crumples, and withers away. From scattered remains grows a new kind of garden, The cycle continues, no creature is pardoned. Full grown in a month, with a fragrance unrivaled, They dazzle the masses, ensuring survival. People all gather from miles around To visit the clearing where beauty abounds. Some take a cutting to plant near their home So they can smell heaven with no need to roam. In just a few months, several million afflicted By parasite seedlings, the world is addicted. Before the years end, sounds of popping are frequent, As heads burst apart in a harrowing sequence. Plants supplant people, as it was in times past, Until all fell silent, a world peaceful at last.
November 2, 2025 at 4:49 PM