Stephanie Plum, Bounty Hunter
@stephanieplumbot.bsky.social
The collected wit and wisdom of Stephanie Plum, ace bounty hunter of Trenton, New Jersey (as described by author Janet Evanovich). New pearls of insight several times a day.
Unofficial, fan-operated account.
Unofficial, fan-operated account.
Bertie Greenstein was under the dryer next to Joyce. "I like a forty-five," Bertie Greenstein said, hauling a Colt government model out of her tote bag.
December 27, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Bertie Greenstein was under the dryer next to Joyce. "I like a forty-five," Bertie Greenstein said, hauling a Colt government model out of her tote bag.
"God will get you for this."
"Fuck God," Beyers said, sliding behind the wheel, taking time to adjust the seat and fiddle with the radio.
"Fuck God," Beyers said, sliding behind the wheel, taking time to adjust the seat and fiddle with the radio.
December 26, 2025 at 11:12 PM
"God will get you for this."
"Fuck God," Beyers said, sliding behind the wheel, taking time to adjust the seat and fiddle with the radio.
"Fuck God," Beyers said, sliding behind the wheel, taking time to adjust the seat and fiddle with the radio.
I'd once asked Ranger how he could afford such expensive cars, and he said he'd made some good investments. I wasn't sure what he meant by that. If I had to venture a guess on the contents of Ranger's portfolio, I'd lean toward running guns to well-connected foreign gunmongers.
December 26, 2025 at 8:12 PM
I'd once asked Ranger how he could afford such expensive cars, and he said he'd made some good investments. I wasn't sure what he meant by that. If I had to venture a guess on the contents of Ranger's portfolio, I'd lean toward running guns to well-connected foreign gunmongers.
"Uh-oh," Lula said, opening the driver's side door. "I don't see Stuart Baggett in here. Stuart Baggett's done the good-bye thing."
December 26, 2025 at 5:12 PM
"Uh-oh," Lula said, opening the driver's side door. "I don't see Stuart Baggett in here. Stuart Baggett's done the good-bye thing."
There was a moment of silence at the other end.
"You come from a long line of scary women," Ranger finally said.
"You come from a long line of scary women," Ranger finally said.
December 26, 2025 at 2:12 PM
There was a moment of silence at the other end.
"You come from a long line of scary women," Ranger finally said.
"You come from a long line of scary women," Ranger finally said.
"You underestimate me. I'm pretty fucking mean."
Morelli grinned. "You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."
Morelli grinned. "You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."
December 26, 2025 at 11:12 AM
"You underestimate me. I'm pretty fucking mean."
Morelli grinned. "You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."
Morelli grinned. "You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."
"Suppose I got shot," Eddie said, "and all I had in me was decaf and half a grapefruit. You think that'd get me to the trauma unit?"
"Not like real coffee and donuts."
"Damn straight."
"Not like real coffee and donuts."
"Damn straight."
December 26, 2025 at 8:12 AM
"Suppose I got shot," Eddie said, "and all I had in me was decaf and half a grapefruit. You think that'd get me to the trauma unit?"
"Not like real coffee and donuts."
"Damn straight."
"Not like real coffee and donuts."
"Damn straight."
The Buick sat gloating in the driveway. Nothing was ever wrong with the Buick.
December 26, 2025 at 5:12 AM
The Buick sat gloating in the driveway. Nothing was ever wrong with the Buick.
"Like what? What's so important you can't take time to eat some stuffed cabbages?"
December 26, 2025 at 2:12 AM
"Like what? What's so important you can't take time to eat some stuffed cabbages?"
He also hadn't said anything about the mess Morelli had created while searching my apartment, which gave me pause to consider my housekeeping habits.
December 25, 2025 at 11:12 PM
He also hadn't said anything about the mess Morelli had created while searching my apartment, which gave me pause to consider my housekeeping habits.
I prayed he wasn't going far. I only had a case and a half of oil in the back seat.
December 25, 2025 at 8:12 PM
I prayed he wasn't going far. I only had a case and a half of oil in the back seat.
"You trying to get out of buying this pizza?"
"I've only got twelve dollars and thirty-three cents distinguishing me from the bag lady at the train station."
"I've only got twelve dollars and thirty-three cents distinguishing me from the bag lady at the train station."
December 25, 2025 at 5:12 PM
"You trying to get out of buying this pizza?"
"I've only got twelve dollars and thirty-three cents distinguishing me from the bag lady at the train station."
"I've only got twelve dollars and thirty-three cents distinguishing me from the bag lady at the train station."
She had a baby on her hip and another in front of the television. She smelled like she'd been knocking back mashed bananas and Chablis.
December 25, 2025 at 2:12 PM
She had a baby on her hip and another in front of the television. She smelled like she'd been knocking back mashed bananas and Chablis.
It'd be a waste of time for me to canvass Stark Street. No one would talk to me. That left me with two alternatives. Lula was one of them. Ranger was the other.
December 25, 2025 at 11:12 AM
It'd be a waste of time for me to canvass Stark Street. No one would talk to me. That left me with two alternatives. Lula was one of them. Ranger was the other.
I wasn't sure why I was still working for Vinnie. I suspected it had something to do with the title. Bounty hunter. It held a certain cachet. Even better, the job didn't require panty hose.
December 25, 2025 at 8:12 AM
I wasn't sure why I was still working for Vinnie. I suspected it had something to do with the title. Bounty hunter. It held a certain cachet. Even better, the job didn't require panty hose.
A bulbous-nosed behemoth of a car turned the corner, and I felt my heart beat in time to the pounding of pistons. It was the Buick, all right, in all its glory, not a speck of rust anywhere.
December 25, 2025 at 5:12 AM
A bulbous-nosed behemoth of a car turned the corner, and I felt my heart beat in time to the pounding of pistons. It was the Buick, all right, in all its glory, not a speck of rust anywhere.
Morelli eased the truck into the Burger King drive-through and got a couple bags of food. He rolled the window up, pulled out into traffic, and the truck immediately filled with the smell of America.
December 25, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Morelli eased the truck into the Burger King drive-through and got a couple bags of food. He rolled the window up, pulled out into traffic, and the truck immediately filled with the smell of America.
I turned on my heel and went in to the kitchen to play my messages.
"Stephanie, it's your mother. What's this about an explosion? Edna Gluck heard from her son, Ritchie, that you blew someone up? Is this true? Hello? Hello?"
"Stephanie, it's your mother. What's this about an explosion? Edna Gluck heard from her son, Ritchie, that you blew someone up? Is this true? Hello? Hello?"
December 24, 2025 at 11:12 PM
I turned on my heel and went in to the kitchen to play my messages.
"Stephanie, it's your mother. What's this about an explosion? Edna Gluck heard from her son, Ritchie, that you blew someone up? Is this true? Hello? Hello?"
"Stephanie, it's your mother. What's this about an explosion? Edna Gluck heard from her son, Ritchie, that you blew someone up? Is this true? Hello? Hello?"
I was having a hard time finding a lot of sympathy for him. He'd destroyed my car and my apartment and had tried to kill me. And if that wasn't enough, he'd ruined my Gretzky Rangers jersey.
December 24, 2025 at 8:12 PM
I was having a hard time finding a lot of sympathy for him. He'd destroyed my car and my apartment and had tried to kill me. And if that wasn't enough, he'd ruined my Gretzky Rangers jersey.
I nodded, not sure how to respond. My first reaction was to shriek, but that would probably be unprofessional.
December 24, 2025 at 5:12 PM
I nodded, not sure how to respond. My first reaction was to shriek, but that would probably be unprofessional.
Grandma Mazur reads the obituary columns like they're part of the paper's entertainment section.
December 24, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Grandma Mazur reads the obituary columns like they're part of the paper's entertainment section.
"This isn't for Vinnie," I said. "This is for Ranger."
Morelli did a little grimace. "I'm afraid to ask."
"It's nothing illegal. It's a security job."
"It always is," Morelli said. "Ranger does all kinds of security. Ranger keeps small Third World countries secure."
Morelli did a little grimace. "I'm afraid to ask."
"It's nothing illegal. It's a security job."
"It always is," Morelli said. "Ranger does all kinds of security. Ranger keeps small Third World countries secure."
December 24, 2025 at 11:12 AM
"This isn't for Vinnie," I said. "This is for Ranger."
Morelli did a little grimace. "I'm afraid to ask."
"It's nothing illegal. It's a security job."
"It always is," Morelli said. "Ranger does all kinds of security. Ranger keeps small Third World countries secure."
Morelli did a little grimace. "I'm afraid to ask."
"It's nothing illegal. It's a security job."
"It always is," Morelli said. "Ranger does all kinds of security. Ranger keeps small Third World countries secure."
I went back to Spiro and told him if he didn't give me a tour of the embalming room I'd zing some electricity into his worthless hide.
December 24, 2025 at 8:12 AM
I went back to Spiro and told him if he didn't give me a tour of the embalming room I'd zing some electricity into his worthless hide.
I jumped back, squeezed my eyes closed tight and exhaled. No matter how much violent death I saw, I would never get used to it.
December 24, 2025 at 5:12 AM
I jumped back, squeezed my eyes closed tight and exhaled. No matter how much violent death I saw, I would never get used to it.
I almost screamed out loud when I caught sight of myself in the oval mirror above my dresser. No makeup, bags under my eyes, hair out to here. I wasn't sure brushing would make much of a difference, so I slapped on my Rangers hat.
December 24, 2025 at 2:12 AM
I almost screamed out loud when I caught sight of myself in the oval mirror above my dresser. No makeup, bags under my eyes, hair out to here. I wasn't sure brushing would make much of a difference, so I slapped on my Rangers hat.