Mangoes have no right being that hard to eat. You're good but you're not peach good. You're not blackberries. Sit down.

dinosaurs got 165 million years ruling the planet and they didn't invent a single cryptocurrency. lazy if you ask me. not a single grindset

KFC already dropped the "Kentucky". Just make the lateral brand move to Korean Fried Chicken and save me from having to drive all the way to Columbus for some, please kfc 🔫🥺

How did the early humans get isekai'd before we invented morning trucks?

Metaphorically we're all pissing in the ball pit

Semantically we're all shitting in the demo toilets at Home Depot

Theoretically we're all getting arrested at this JoAnn Fabrics right now

Listen, god gave me colorblindness specific to red/green flags. It's ☝️ His Will that I date someone fun yet emotionally scaring and who am I to disagree

Is "the Pooh" Winnie's last name or is Pooh a title? Can I become the Pooh? How does one get elected the Pooh? What powers come with this position?

Toad and frog were fucking, right?

Snakes have zero legs and two penises, why are they faster than me?

I'm the typhoid mary of autism

I've given up so it's tuna and waffles for breakfast again

A sewer pipe is long hole of gunk, perfect shape for filth worm; some could say its natural habitat, rich in shit and filth- but they are mistaken. Rfk jr talks like a gurgling sewer pipe. This is because he is the natural habitat for the filth worm.

banned from the local fazolis. This earth is a prison

my Mom keeps calling to say her eyes are aflame and her skin won't stop sloughing off in large hot sheets. omg so annoying, boomers can't keep up with modern tech

pet play but I'm a rabid horse and you have to put me down only if you can catch me