I love you so much 😭💗

Why..did they all keep in contact with eachother..why was I left behind. Why wasn't I good enough? I chased fame and growth with streaming just to try to be worthy of the friends I had because they were growing and I had to aswell or else I couldn't help them, couldn't be of use. But as I chased it

As soon as I wasn't rising with them..they went so far away I can no longer reach them...we were supposed to be family so why...we were sisters.. I loved them. it hurts when I think about it and t he closer it gets to halloween the sadder I feel. We used to stream together around this time a lot

But theres never anymore I love yous, not one more "how are you", not one more happy new years or merry christmas ever since I left twitch 3ish years ago (a bit less than that) bc of sexual harassment. I tried to reach out and i get ghosted by most of them..

www.patreon.com/posts/138031...

to summarize, the video was falsely flagged for content it did not include. They tried to appeal. No luck. They blurred the spot where they are accused of having such content (which doesn't exist) and appealed. Still no luck. So their video is perma age restricted

I don't know how to express how insanely amazing they are. I'm just kind of in shock.

Not to mention all the help I received from Nixx prior to all this. Oml. Or the sheer amount of support from berry and riv and gothy.

Me: I plan to stalk your posts
10 min later you: this post

Thank you for feeding me and MOOD lmao 🤣

Congratulations on the Baby! <3

I didn't do it. I'm Innocent... I didn't do it. Please just hold me.

and I just want to hug you, I want you to tell me you didn't know. I could forgive that understand it... I want you to rage with me, cry with me, tell me you love me. But you're not here. you're with THEM. and I miss you and I want to stop missing you. It hurts..so much. I want you back.

do you truly not feel anything at all for what I went through? for me? for us? why...why not tell me from the beginning we'd never be friends. Because clearly we aren't when you hurt me like this and left me behind. Friends care about friends, But I haven't felt that care from you and i hate it.

and I will never understand. HOW someone can live with themselves choosing money over friends. How someone can live with themselves choosing clout over friends. Why..
Why was my love for you not enough for you to care? You were my family..why did you hurt me? why didn't you love me?

and I stayed silent not out of weakness or saying its okay. But because I didn't want the drama that comes with speaking up. I bottled my feelings. But it hurts and..I Just want to say that it hurts. Im hurting, I've been hurting. and I want my friends back. I wish they didn't ghost me and go too.

and then I get slandered for not taking the side of two people who blew up over nothing and caused drama.

and then An incident I felt pressured and uncomfy in, I already handled peacefully from over a year ago gets brought up to slander me and invalidate my sexuality.

this fandom hurts..so much.

I wish my pain what I went through mattered more to them. I went through months of someones insane jealousy making me feel like shit. Then felt outcasted from the group and any attempts to communicate it were met with a "well that sucks join us when ready" ignoring the issue why I cant

Because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean they are a good person. Because it didn't happen to you doesn't mean my pain doesn't exist. I wish you didn't act like it never happened. I wish you didn't support the friends who betrayed me and publically cozied up with the ones who hurt me.

I finally got my closure talking to a few friends of mine when it all has come to light thanks to them. But it doesn't feel better to have closure to finally know the facts. It hurts, its grief, its mourning a friendship I thought I had, someone I thought loved me like I loved them. A sibling..

While I expected it for some people.. theres atleast one person I expected to be a friend who I realize was never on my side. I loved them dearly and I'll miss them. I wish things were different. But they disappeared from my life even when I had their back, they didn't have mine.