спасибо!!!! 💕

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😊

THANK YOU MY LOVE!!! FROM BOTH OF US!!!! 😭💕💕💕

THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU 💕💕💕💕💕💕

Going to the mall in spain later today (sis lives five mins from the border lol) to buy Pokemon boosters with my niece >:3

Trip mood so far

Im so ready for meds to kick in and bring at least some (hopefully positive) change tbh
And then lowkey excited to start therapy next year?? i found untangling my issues under professional guidance very enjoyable, no matter the trauma. At least it’s proving that im not delulu or made all this up lol

(oh, something "feels off" every fucking time, btw. every piece with no exceptions. i still really like and enjoy drawing tho, despite the anxiety it often gives me. but then *everything* gives me anxiety. being alive and breathing fucking gives me anxiety. so at least doing art is fun)

psych, messing with me: "you just said that you don't consider yourself a perfectionist, and then went on to say that you spend hours editing your art until literal breakdowns if something "feels off"?" *stares with a kind smile, waiting for me to realize the level of my own bullshit*
SO EVIL 😭

im starting with meds and like re-confirming a couple diagnoses in a few weeks after starting pills (hopefully in december) because 60min appointment was absolutely not enough to do all the tests/questioning, but after the pills and diagnoses are all decided I'll go to therapy as well ofc!

i never even thought of MDE/PTSD/generalized and social anxiety disorders (i only wanted to confirm AuDHD and get adhd meds bc I'm unable to work and cooperate with my brain any longer), but this ended up being the main focus somehow 🥲 and main meds too. ugh im scared of antidepressants.....

its funny how one math teacher can cause so much damage to a child in a span of just three years
and that it can grow and accumulate into like four different major diagnoses over 14 years 💀

a 4 med cocktail prescribed (for now) and another appointment in 6-ish weeks. i feel like i should start printing money at this point to be able to afford this. im exhausted.

went to confirm three diagnoses, instead got SEVEN
but at least AuDHD/OCD got confirmed.... as well as major depressive episode, PTSD and a couple anxiety disorders 🥲
WELP
i am not as functioning a person as i thought i (barely) was

i swear sometimes it feels like im paying the same bills 2-3 times a month (except they're different but they just keep coming one after another) and they come with like. three days notice.