It feels like I have everything to say, but no way of saying it. Trying to encapsulate my thoughts and feelings in writing feels like trying to catch bubbles with my hands.

Pandemic trauma:

Today is 5 years since the first Lockdown.

I've had thoughts lately of time before this happened. My world has since been irreversibly damaged, and I haven't been able to acknowledge, or even process this as a truth, until now.

Main problems, as of right now:

Health anxiety.
World anxiety.
Pandemic trauma.
Nostalgia.
Mortality crisis.
Key relationship breakdown.

Referred myself for more therapy. I feel weak for it. I'm lost. I can't keep struggling.

I'll be making note of my thoughts as a record of what I hope to resolve with this upcoming endeavour.

If you're not into seeing that, unfollow me for a bit.

It's so funny to me that I got into Eastenders for about a month, and then decided to stop watching it because it made my mental health worse lmao

We love this era of prioritising myself, it's wild and unpredictable

I think I hate what the Internet is to me nowadays

Tiktok and Insta reels mostly suck, they fill me with negativity that does nothing for my soul

I'm running out of ways to derive pleasure, I want to improve myself, rather than stagnate or weaken

YouTube and Twitch still bring joy at least

Would the younger version of myself be proud of who I am today?

Is this a worthy metric of judgment for your current self?

been listening to Avan Jogia's "autopsy"

a wonderfully distinct poetry collection that makes me want to write my own

might use this place as an outlet for this whim

Thinking a lot about "you're very good at only telling people what they want to hear"

It's difficult to change how you've been wired but it's not impossible

Maybe there can still be change in the house

Star-coded characters (sourced from nominations by people I love)

for the record I can think of a ton of other films that are also very important to me and can describe a facet of my personality, so maybe I'll show them all off in the future

Introduce yourself with four movies.

I showed Jelli some Aunty Donna sketches over Xmas and I love that we now have new inside jokes from them

Gen ai is poisoning our power grid, stealing intellectual property, using precious water, and ruining the internet with unreliable information and garbage imagery. Don't use it, and don't normalize it, even for laughs.

Was worried I didn't have a tune of the month for November

But then this last week I've locked in

It'll probably be from GNX

going back and forth between "this is great, I should post this on bluesky" and "I should cut my hands off to stop myself posting on bluesky"

Things my partner says before bed

"I will spill all the glue"