Pinned
Ted Jokeman
@standup-comedian.com
· Feb 10
Not to tempt fate but I'm never going to die
Hello this is the cops. Well we pulled Theodore Jokerman's bloated corpse out of Lake Mead today, he had passed away at 47. His last words were "I go to Baba". He had about $16mil in $DOGE but he didn't leave a will so we're just gonna give it back to Elon
February 14, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Hello this is the cops. Well we pulled Theodore Jokerman's bloated corpse out of Lake Mead today, he had passed away at 47. His last words were "I go to Baba". He had about $16mil in $DOGE but he didn't leave a will so we're just gonna give it back to Elon
Gonna take some time away from tweeting for a long camping trip to reflect on my lack of stardom, if you dont hear from me in a while Im fine, just want to be alone and do some swimming in lake mead
February 12, 2025 at 1:29 PM
Gonna take some time away from tweeting for a long camping trip to reflect on my lack of stardom, if you dont hear from me in a while Im fine, just want to be alone and do some swimming in lake mead
Had a dream I was eating a really long licorice. When I awoke there was a half-eaten snake hanging out of my mouth
February 12, 2025 at 1:12 PM
Had a dream I was eating a really long licorice. When I awoke there was a half-eaten snake hanging out of my mouth
Lost another follower yesterday. Sad to see our anti-intellectualism culture at work
February 12, 2025 at 12:31 PM
Lost another follower yesterday. Sad to see our anti-intellectualism culture at work
The American Flag aka "Old Betsy" is lowkey iconic imo
February 12, 2025 at 3:30 AM
The American Flag aka "Old Betsy" is lowkey iconic imo
I keep giving Dave Chappelle's specials a shot because of his legacy and because I think he's hilarious and agree with everything he says, but if he doesn't cool it with the cussing I'm going to have to stop recommending his standup so enthusiastically
February 12, 2025 at 1:12 AM
I keep giving Dave Chappelle's specials a shot because of his legacy and because I think he's hilarious and agree with everything he says, but if he doesn't cool it with the cussing I'm going to have to stop recommending his standup so enthusiastically
Trump has both bad and good qualities. Sound familiar? If not maybe look in a mirror, were all just doing our best
February 11, 2025 at 9:17 PM
Trump has both bad and good qualities. Sound familiar? If not maybe look in a mirror, were all just doing our best
TR*MP: Nooo how could I lost the 2028 Election, who did I lose to
(he turn on T.V.)
PRESIDENT DREW CAREY: Hey Trump....The price is wrong b***h!!
(he turn on T.V.)
PRESIDENT DREW CAREY: Hey Trump....The price is wrong b***h!!
February 11, 2025 at 8:25 PM
TR*MP: Nooo how could I lost the 2028 Election, who did I lose to
(he turn on T.V.)
PRESIDENT DREW CAREY: Hey Trump....The price is wrong b***h!!
(he turn on T.V.)
PRESIDENT DREW CAREY: Hey Trump....The price is wrong b***h!!
of the many fails a person may experience, the epic variant is generally considered one of the worst
February 11, 2025 at 8:11 PM
of the many fails a person may experience, the epic variant is generally considered one of the worst
Dear Mr. @drewfromtv.bsky.social would you ever consider being president (of USA). Let me know
– Ted
– Ted
u hate trump so what tv show host should be the president then? freaking drew carey???
February 11, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Dear Mr. @drewfromtv.bsky.social would you ever consider being president (of USA). Let me know
– Ted
– Ted
why do people always associate you with the bad deeds you've done over the good ones you were capable of
February 11, 2025 at 6:30 PM
why do people always associate you with the bad deeds you've done over the good ones you were capable of
if theres one thing i cant stand its hypocrisy. between you and me tho i do think hypocrisy is p good
February 11, 2025 at 6:16 PM
if theres one thing i cant stand its hypocrisy. between you and me tho i do think hypocrisy is p good
those uneasy about my new presence in their online communities are right to be dubious; im reporting all your behavior to the FBI
February 11, 2025 at 5:34 PM
those uneasy about my new presence in their online communities are right to be dubious; im reporting all your behavior to the FBI
Oh you "hate racism"? News flash pal what youre doing is called virtue signaling and its just as bad as racism
February 11, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Oh you "hate racism"? News flash pal what youre doing is called virtue signaling and its just as bad as racism
I actually don't need to eat food I just do it bc I like it
February 11, 2025 at 3:03 PM
I actually don't need to eat food I just do it bc I like it
When you engage with me, you earn TedPoints which can be spent on prizes at standup-comedian.com!
February 11, 2025 at 1:29 PM
When you engage with me, you earn TedPoints which can be spent on prizes at standup-comedian.com!
Respectfully, if the "he said/she said" bulls****ers don't quit letting s*** slip, they're going to be exiting the premises with a fat lip
February 10, 2025 at 2:39 PM
Respectfully, if the "he said/she said" bulls****ers don't quit letting s*** slip, they're going to be exiting the premises with a fat lip
Not to tempt fate but I'm never going to die
February 10, 2025 at 5:08 AM
Not to tempt fate but I'm never going to die
With all due respect to Mr. Drake if your a paedophile you should be ashamed of yourself
February 10, 2025 at 1:58 AM
With all due respect to Mr. Drake if your a paedophile you should be ashamed of yourself
Reposted by Ted Jokeman
Just perform the songs you agreed to and get off stage Kendrick. Don’t say anything that make anybody upset.
February 10, 2025 at 1:36 AM
Just perform the songs you agreed to and get off stage Kendrick. Don’t say anything that make anybody upset.
Heh, dang! I didn't know gopuff was cool like that
February 10, 2025 at 1:36 AM
Heh, dang! I didn't know gopuff was cool like that
Now that I'm my forties I finally understand a song written by a man in his twenties
February 9, 2025 at 11:06 PM
Now that I'm my forties I finally understand a song written by a man in his twenties
Google is conspiring against me to create previous results of jokes I thought up
February 9, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Google is conspiring against me to create previous results of jokes I thought up
cruel, judgmental people think they have the right to think poorly of me just because of the frequent harm caused by my direct actions
February 9, 2025 at 7:34 PM
cruel, judgmental people think they have the right to think poorly of me just because of the frequent harm caused by my direct actions