Battlefront 3 is currently in development. The game will be an attempt to showcase all the good the empire does, all of the harm the rebels have done. The game will let you kill anyone you suspect of being a rebel, with consequences only applying if you kill a high ranking Sith member.

A remake of Persona 5 from the ground up is currently in development. When asked for comment, an Atlus spokesperson said “How could we possibly make Persona 6 until we bring Persona 5 up to the standards set by Persona 5?”

Nintendo is looking to buy the ALDI corporation. When asked about this situation, Miyamoto reportedly said “What the hell are you talking about why the fuck would we do that?” This is why he is the greatest game designer.

One of my sources is currently destroying all of the servers a kneecap level to insure that the online will be bugged at launch

The next game in the Kirby’s Dream Course series is in development. The team is currently scouting out a beautiful nature reserve they can destroy in order to make a bad golf course to use for reference photos.

Aya Kyogoku was about to green light a new Animal Crossing game but she decided to send all of the funding and all of the staff members who would’ve worked on that game into Fire Emblem Fortune’s Weave because she hates you, specifically.

Yoshio Sakamoto is currently writing Famicom Detective Club 4. When one of my sources asked about the satellaview game which would technically make this new one the fifth game in the series, they were promptly devoured by the piranha plant named Audrey which Sakamoto keeps on his desk.

Miyamoto was on the fence about charging $70 for two Wii games, until someone emulated a 30 year old game he didn’t even know existed which cost his family a week’s worth of dinner at which point he needed to increase the cost in order to survive. This is why he is the greatest game designer.

The Japanese direct had an exclusive trailer for a new IP from Nintendo called “ちんぽもまんこもだいすきです.” It is a new 3D platformer staring Tingle. My sources do not think it will be released in the west due to the game going against Tingle’s canonical asexuality.

Nintendo actually tried to purchase the Banjo Kazooie franchise from Microsoft in 2017, however they were forced to back out when Phil Spencer requested that the purchase be made through a 200 billion yen donation to Israel in his name. This offer was so atrocious that Miyamoto physically vomited

What did I tell you?

The Fire Emblem Genealogy of the Holy War remake has been cancelled. This is because the master copy was destroyed by famous Super Smash Brothers player Scrimblo the Bimblo. My sources say he was upset that Chrom was added to Ultimate instead of Master Chief, and wanted to punish Fire Emblem fans.

Cygames, the creators of Umamusume, are reportedly looking to collaborate with Nintendo. My sources tell me that the only franchise Miyamoto-San’s willing to give up is the Star Fox franchise, because he has no clue what else to do with it. This is why he is the greatest game designer.

Let’s just say fans of a certain Nintendo franchise should look forward to today’s direct…