SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU
LightNews LightNews
banner
squatterssmau.bsky.social
SQUATTERS🛍️ SMAU
@squatterssmau.bsky.social
110 followers 5 following 180 posts
A raunchy OFMD/Mallrats inspired adventure/crack fic in a magic sex mall.

Brought to you by Erin & Jo with artwork by Lucia and beta'd by Snake.

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52620622/chapters/13310257
Posts Replies Media Videos
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Thanks @marieek.bsky.social for making us such a beautiful image. Ed & Stede have never looked so peaceful at the Starlight.

Many ❤️❤️❤️ from us to you!

@tightenupmate.bsky.social
@citrussyndicate.bsky.social
@edsstaugsnake.bsky.social
September 22, 2025 at 3:19 PM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
February 17, 2025 at 12:47 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Finally, Ed and Stede have a moment to themselves, and Stede gifts Ed a key to his house. He’s ready to make this thing official and ensure they won't be so easily separated again.
Pic of Christmas Present wrapped neatly in brown paper with a stylized brown ribbon tree & a little evergreen decoration all tied up with twine “It’s um…it’s the key to my house, Ed. I just. I wanted you to know that I’m not just here to play games and have a nice fuck. It started that way but—” He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Ed’s got the key in his fist, he’s thrown his arms around Stede’s neck, and Stede Bonnet is being kissed within an inch of his life. “Is that a yes then?” Stede laughs when Ed finally lets him breathe. “It’s a yes, you lunatic,” Ed says, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. “Anywhere you are, that’s where I want to be.” “Good,” says Stede. “That’s good.”
January 24, 2025 at 1:49 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
The crew uses the last of their game tokens to pay for cab fare, and they return home to The Starlight on the backs of Oz’s famous flying monkeys.
Flying Monkey from the 1939 film, The Wizard of Oz
January 24, 2025 at 1:46 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Unfortunately, turns out The Great and Powerful Zas has got a vendetta against Stede. Fafflaff owns the land underneath the Starlight and as payback, he’s threatening to demolish the mall. There's really only one thing left to do with him, and Hell Cat Maggie seems to be on the case
Suddenly Daffydd Fafflaff is spinning in place, trying to reach behind himself, and the crew can see Hellcat Maggie clinging to his shoulders, scratching him to ribbons. He’s stumbling around like a zombie as the balloon continues to rise so high they can’t always see the action, blocked by the basket. But then a white ball of fur springs up into the actual balloon and slashes appear in the silk. Maggie’s doing a number on it, and the rapid rise falters. For a few moments after there’s no change except a bit of punching movement inside the balloon. Then it appears Maggie’s climbed to the top and pulled a Douglas Fairbanks move, riding down the length of the silk on one claw. The two-story-long tear gapes open and the balloon begins to hurtle down fast.
January 24, 2025 at 1:44 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
And Stede is here too! His little heart-shaped token fit smoothly into the dragon's chest and changed him into, you guessed it, FALKOR
It's Stede on Falkor! Stede on Falkor!!!!! So goddamned fun. He's still all silver in his Tin Man getup, little funnel fascinator still in his hair, and he's smiling thiiiiiiiiis big! Falkor, the Luck Dragon from The NeverEnding Story, is smiling just as big. This is a hybrid drawing where Lucia adds an element to a still pic. In this case, Stede is drawn over Atreyu in her marker style.
January 24, 2025 at 1:35 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Then, at the end of a long hallway (that they must run down backwards), they find their final challenge. Behind yet another ornate door, the voice of the Great and Powerful booms. We finally meet our big bad!
Character Card for Dafydd Fafflaff aka The Great and Powerful Zas (as played by David Zaslav). Owner; the land underneath The Starlight Mall, Head of B-D-W, Head of the company formerly known as BOH which, against all recommendations, rebranded to MIN; Hot air balloon aficionado. Might be a super-villain.
January 24, 2025 at 1:33 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
The Starlight crew were made for this. They fuck their way through the orgy inching ever closer to the door at the back of the hall. As Lucius discovers his purpose in life, Ed’s starting to wonder if their final boss will be too much for them to handle.
The Fucking Cup '23 is the caption. On the left is a shiny golden trophy. Engraved on its base is: Professor Louis Schüsse Spriggs and there's a rainbow flare behind it. On the right is a photo of a very smiley Lucius (Nathad Foad really) with 2 thought bubbles. The first says: Wonder how many loads it would take me to fill it up? The second says: Fewer than Stede could ever...
January 24, 2025 at 1:29 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
THE FINAL UPDATE! @tallshipsallday.bsky.social, @citrussyndicate.bsky.social and I (@tightenupmate.bsky.social) are so thankful to all of you who have read any part of our crazy not-so-little story. We hope to have new chapters to you in the next few weeks...BRACE YOURSELVES.
January 24, 2025 at 1:27 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Soon, they come to realize this ball is actually a dance battle. Each one takes their turn, with this glorious scene culminating in one of the greatest things that’s ever happened in Squatters. Raygun Pete. @citrussyndicate.bsky.social
“Esteemed gentleones! Now that our guests of honor have arrived, we can begin the first event of the evening. “If to meet the wizard you wish to have a chance Pull out those sweet moves; it’s time to dance Be it funky breaks or tapping toes, time to give it your all Those who can’t win won’t pass through the ball.” Pete as Australia's Raygun but in lion costume. He's got a fuzzy suit comprised of sleeveless crop-top, tiny booty shorts, giant knee-high boots, tail, and mane with ears. Here he's doing the kangaroo hops. He's got the sweetest expression on his face, a closed-eye smile, and his hands are up in little claws
January 24, 2025 at 1:24 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
The remaining crew make an effort at entering their ball, but discover the door won’t budge—they’ve forgotten to finish the 3rd task! Fireworks that explode into a pink heart whistle across the sky. A dragon roars--and they realize Stede must have saved the day.
“Oh shit!” interrupts Jim, “we didn’t finish number three!” Olu’s head drops backward. “Of course. This is the fourth challenge. We have to do them in order. What was number three again? I don’t even remember past the dragon.” Ed’s head is spinning. The dragon was after Stede. “Stede’s holding the heart,” he mutters, then says it louder for everyone, “Stede’s holding the heart!” “But the sign just said, ‘Run’. We don’t even know what Stede was supposed to do with it, Edelweiss,” said Lucius, mask off and smirk on.
January 24, 2025 at 1:21 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Part 4! We're nearing the end of the recap folks!
January 24, 2025 at 1:17 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
They're at a loss and unsure what to do next, when Frenchie remembers that they’ve got a get out of jail free card--and they’re off to their ball.

(Absolutely gorgeous Izlinda @citrussyndicate.bsky.social)
Our heroes' fairy godmother, Izlinda, is head to toe green, but not like her sister Elphaba, not really. This is more of a beauty treatment. You don't get lookin' this fine without work. Her hair is in curlers with a kerchief on top, she's in a matchy-matchy Lolita bloomer outfit, and has a ruby in her belly button. She's pointing her finger, presumably at Ed (isn't it always?) and looking like she's telling him what for. Friend, even her body hair is green.
January 22, 2025 at 3:32 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
...but it’s Stede who runs into the biggest obstacle of all.
But a large shadow, strong downdraft, and what could only be described as a burp of flame bursts forth from overhead and fire engulfs the tops of the trees. Oh! A dragon! Why wouldn’t it be? That’s absolutely par for the course. Ed picks a direction, grabs Stede’s hand, and they’re off running again. The dragon makes a wide looping turn, coming back toward them, body pumping up and down with the beating of its wings. It’s got all the classic features, slithery, spiky, winged, terrifying and but for the color, very familiar. “Isn’t that one of the dragons from Game of Thrones?” he calls out as John runs past, but he gets no answer. Doesn’t matter, now that he’s had the thought, he knows he’s right. But what was its name? Smeagol? Teaghol? Bright glittering scales flash in the sunlight as the emerald green dragon dips and wheels, circling over the fleeing friends as though looking for someone. Or something? “Ed!” shouts a voice and he’s never been so relieved in his fucking life. They’re beside him now, no, in front, seemingly going in circles and the whirlpool is starting to form around him. “Stede, what the fuck are you doing?” But there’s no answer, only turbulence and a lot of fucking water. It pours over him as the dragon takes off, Stede’s arms wrapped around its neck and holding on for dear life. “I’ll find you, Ed!” he shouts from overhead and that’s it. Ed’s lost Stede. Again. “Fuck!”
January 22, 2025 at 2:58 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
...or this crumbling path straight out of Indian Jones that Frenchie navigates...
Approach these bricks with plenty of respect If you don’t take your time You’re gonna get wrecked To get out alive… Spell the name of the one Who runs things at the mall The only one who may pass Holds the brain that is small “Z,” he says, and steps out onto the first stone. It’s a bit of a reach, even for his long legs. But the ground remains firm. “Heyyy!!” Jim shouts from behind him. “Knew you could do it!” Frenchie tries to calm his shaking breath. He’s out in the middle of a veritable minefield. No space for any sort of mistake here. “H,” he says and takes another step with the same precision. The ground holds and another cheer goes up. “A,” he tries, and realizes he’s made a mistake a moment too late. His whole leg disappears into the ground, swallowing him all the way up to his hip. “Shit!” he shouts, as he scrambles up and onto the little bit of remaining earth around him. “Frenchie!” he hears Olu call. “You alright, mate?” “Fine!” he shouts back. And then to himself says, “Just can’t fuckin’ spell, but you lot don’t need to know that.” When he’s dusted the majority of his mistake from his clothes, he tries again. “E?” he says, nervous and shaking. But he’s right. The ground holds, and the rest of the letters go fairly easily. “N-G, Y-I, S-A-O,” and before he knows it, he’s standing on the other side of the mostly in-tact path.
January 22, 2025 at 2:49 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
They know they are working their way toward some sort of ball--what they aren't prepared for is the neverending obstacles the game throws at them to keep them from getting there.

...like this hole Lucius falls in
Suddenly, there’s a shout, and Lucius disappears right in front of them. “LU!!!” screams Pete and he charges forward. Frenchie flings out an arm and just catches Pete across the chest, stopping him with his toes dangling over the edge of the gaping hole that swallowed Lucius. They stare down into the darkness and Frenchie can just make out movement at the farthest reaches of the light. “Guys?” a tiny voice comes from inside the pit. “A little help?” Lucius has somehow managed to wrap himself around a short scrap of rope that dangles from the roof of the booby trap. He’s swinging gently and barely hanging on. “Hold on, babe! We’ll get you!” Pete hollers, but Frenchie isn’t so sure. “Can’t you pull yourself up?” he asks. “Do you think I’d be dangling here if I could?” “No, no. Guess not. What’s that below you, mate?” But Frenchie needn’t have asked, because as soon as they all get quiet enough, he can hear it. Hissing and spitting, the sound of little claws clicky-clacking on the ground, fucking meowing .
January 22, 2025 at 2:44 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
The crew has already overcome some pretty intense obstacles. The tornado that brought them to Oz, attacked by pirates—so why not add to the list? Our team disembarks from their ship and follow the yellow brick road until they are stopped by a wall in their path. It’s Pete to the rescue this time.
Pete Pete gets a weird feeling in his stomach as soon as he catches sight of the wall and the plinth. Sure, he’s momentarily distracted by Lucius’s great ass and some renovation ideas, but that sense of momentousness comes back as he watches Stede and Lucius bicker, try grabbing the cock-shaped lever, and snatch their hands away as if burned. The wall stretches away infinitely in either direction. There’s nothing else for it. He may not be really into poetry, but he can understand what the inscription is saying. Only a virgin ass is going to be able to throw that lever. He steps forward, trembling hand holding up his Butthole of Courage. “I’ll take one for the team.”
January 22, 2025 at 2:33 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Our team knocks out quite a few more challenges in Chapter 9: Part 3, The Great and Powerful.

archiveofourown.org/works/526206...
January 22, 2025 at 2:26 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
@citrussyndicate.bsky.social 🤯🥵

“On your knees for me, Ed,” Stede says, slipping effortlessly back into the scene. The velvet smooth of his voice drips down Ed’s spine and sweeps his legs from beneath him. He falls, dazed and utterly at Stede’s mercy. “That’s my good boy.”

#ofmdnsfw #ofmdfanart
Where to begin with Lucia's triptych marker masterpiece? There are 3 scenes. On the Left we've got the ultimate in Dorothy blowing the Tin Man. Stede's skin is truly silver now and it stands out stunningly against his blond hair, upstairs and downstairs, if you get my meaning. We're looking down at them from above and top to bottom, the highlights are Stede's funnel fascinator with rainbow bow and little red heart center. His eyes are closed, he's still wearing his sparkly tank top, muscles rippling and thoroughly enjoying himself. His hands are in Ed's pigtails and he's yanking Ed forward on his cock, his very silver cock. Ed's starkers and down on his knees with both hands at work on Stede. His cute little butt is peeking at us. Top Right is a profile view of Ed giving the blowjob, bows in his pigtails, eyes closed, beard nicely trimmed, and he is glowing in his blissed out state. Bottom Right we see shy & blushing damsel Ed completely naked but covering his bits modestly and looking over his right shoulder. He's absolutely pin up material in that one!
January 14, 2025 at 3:36 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Ed finds a set of dice and after a little convincing, gives them a toss.

That's when all hell breaks loose.
Why do we have to keep playing this stupid fucking game? he wonders. Where did it even come from? Maybe whatever unfortunate soul had been playing before them had left it in the mall on the off chance it wouldn’t follow them home. The Starlight has a mind of her own sometimes, maybe she’s the one who shoved it into the middle of their White Elephant gifts. It’s that’s how it happened, Ed’s got a bone to pick with his mall. “What if we quit?” Ed says. “Can’t I shout ‘uncle’ or something?” “Can’t,” Frenchie declares. His job as Banker seems to have expanded into Mayor, Jailer, Police Chief. “The rules state that nothing goes back into the game until someone finishes. No way out but through, Ed. Roll.” “Can't make me,” he mutters, heels digging in and pouting. Ed's pretty good at standoffs. Plenty of practice. Once, a seller he'd really wanted to work with ghosted him and went with another store. He'd turned up at their main offices and held his breath ‘til he passed out. It didn't change anybody's mind, but he'd gotten his point across. “Edward,” Stede says firmly but gently. It's this I Mean Business voice that Ed’s never been on the receiving end of, and now that he is, he’s fucking helpless to do anything but listen. Stede's eyebrows are high and he's moving slowly, appeasingly, a snake sizing up his prey. He pours himself over Ed like water, slides their hands together, and squeezes. Every muscle in his neck and back unclenches and he melts into the touch. He's going to give Stede whatever he wants, as long as he keeps tracing his tattoos like this. “No one's disagreeing with you, darling. We can't make you play. But if I remember correctly, you promised me a good dicking down once this is over, and I'd rather get to that portion of our evening sooner rather than later. Don't you agree?” Ed swallows, tongue thick and throat dry. He nods. “Then I need you to behave for me, don't I?” Stede purrs. His tongue darts out and flicks against Ed's earlobe. He squeaks and shifts in his seat. What the fuck is Stede trying to do to him? He’s not seen this side of him, didn’t know he had it in him, and he’s not in any position to explore how far he can push this, how bratty he can get before Stede moves to punish. Ed likes a good punishment now and then, likes to shut his brain off and take whatever he’s given. It's just been awhile since he's trusted anyone to take him there. He looks up through lashes like decorative fringe and eyelids heavy with want. He nods again. “That's my good boy,” Stede says with a wave. He stands and signals for Ed to roll the dice, but in this state, all Ed sees is the circle of his hand gliding back and forth in the universal motion for a handjob. “Why am I so turned on right now?” Lucius wonders aloud. Spell broken, Ed blows out through pursed lips, desperate to relieve some of the heavy, aching want that’s trying to stand up between his legs. “No way out but through,” he repeats Frenchie’s refrain, and he lets the little cubes fall from his hand. “Seven,” he says.
January 14, 2025 at 2:54 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
They make it through the tornado, more or less in tact, and encounter a broken soup stall from the food court, a pair of legs sticking out from underneath it, a crowd of little people, and Izlinda the Good Witch, whom they mistake for someone else.
Frenchie joins them and looks the dress over critically. “It’s alright, but the craftsmanship just isn’t there, is it?. See the wrinkled hems on these sleeves? And the neckline? Much too prim. She looks great, but she’s no Izzy,” and with a little twitch of the fabric of her puffed sleeve, he saunters off muttering about polyester, leaving the pink fluffball of a lady shooting metaphorical daggers from her eyes. “My name,” says Izzy, “is Izlinda, the Good Witch, you fucking ponce. And you’ve just killed—” “Your sister?” calls Lucius, stepping around the group to better see and be seen. “It’s your sister, right? And we’re going to take her shoes and skip to the Emerald City?” “My fucking what? My sister? Her shoes? You think I’d just be standing here if you lot killed my sister and stole her shoes? Not fucking likely. You’d be down at the bottom of the sea, maybe, payin’ with your skin, screaming for mercy while my brother, the Unknowable Sea Witch of the South, flays you alive with the heels of those shoes.” Buttons, or something Stede thinks looks suspiciously like him, only in dolphin form, breaches and gives them the stink eye before crashing back down into the water again. “No, you dropped your bloody soup stall on Nigel Badminton, the Wicked Witch of the East, and freed these people in the process.” “Munchkins,” Lucius says knowingly, “They’re munchkins, aren’t they?” and Izlinda thumps him upside the head with her wand. It shocks a “hey!” out of Stede and a surprised grunt and flinch from Lucius. “If you’d taken the time to fuckin’ ask them, you’d know they prefer to be called ‘Munchkinlanders’. Have some fuckin’ respect. They’re a proud people. ‘Course, they’re a bit short on conversation.” “Short on—” Lucius mutters, snorting and ducking as Izlinda threatens him with another blow. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll stop.” Izlinda gives him a dark look and clears her throat. “Gather round you bunch of gutless halfwits. I’d welcome you to Ozmanji but it’s a shithole run by an evil emperor and you’re probably all going to die trying to defeat him. However, should a few of you actually make it to Emerald City, miracles of miracles, and take on the Wizard, try to fuckin’ remember to yell out Ozmanji when you deliver the death blow. That’s how you win the game. At least, that’s the theory. Any questions?” The group is unnaturally quiet for at least three seconds before Ed blows a raspberry, startling the rest. “Fuck off, Iz. You’re so full of it.”
January 14, 2025 at 2:42 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
So our crew get all cosplayed up...
Thank you @citrussyndicate.bsky.social for the absolutely FANTASTIC drawings of our heroes.

This is the best they're going to look for the rest of the chapter cause right after this little photo shoot, they take the tornado express to Ozmanji.

#ofmdfanart
Lucia's marker-drawn Oz-Ed! This is one of my all-time fave pics of Ed. He's dressed as Dorothy but in the tiniest, sluttiest costume ever produced. We're looking at his backside here—he's peeking over his left shoulder at us. The gingham dress barely covers his arse and we can see a glimpse of panties sticking out underneath. He's got LEGS FOR DAYS here (capitalize, italics, and underline are completely justified) and at his ankles, little socks with bows on them in sparkly ruby red heels. His white blouse sits off the shoulder and he's wearing a brunette wig with corkscrew pigtails with blue ribbons. He is divine. Lucia's marker-drawn Oz-Stede! He's the Tin Man from top to bottom. The CUTEST little funnel-shaped fascinator with a progress pride rainbow-bow on it sits on his head. His hair is still blond but everything else about him is silver. He's got a silver cropped tank with buttons down the front and a pair of silver short-shorts. You can even see a little treasure trail above the waistband (hell, yes!). He's got his left hand folded behind his head in a sexy little pose and he's holding a rainbow clack fan comprised of axes. On his feet are sparkly looking high-top Con-type sneakers with progress pride circles where you'd see the Chuck Taylor mark. He looks a treat!
January 14, 2025 at 2:18 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
🚨 In fic tornado warning in the next post 🚨
January 14, 2025 at 2:12 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
Ed, in charge of the Cool Mall Employee Christmas gift exchange, holds a White Elephant, but a White Elephant at the Starlight wields some mammoth curve balls
Archie opens a Snakes and Ladders featuring live snakes (it was the only package that hissed) and Stede excitedly steals a build-your-own-nuclear-reactor kit from Frenchie. Plenty of cool stuff, but when it finally came down to number 42, there isn’t any particular game Ed’s dying to steal. Time to try his luck. He hears a rustling of leaves behind him as he turns to grab the tall, oddly shaped gift that’s been sitting forlorn on the table through the entire game, but it’s gone, and a palm frond from the planter nearby lifts to reveal a new gift, wrapped in the glitteriest, rainbowiest, most fabulous wrapping paper he’s ever seen. It’s shaped like a typical board game, wide and flat, and topped with an elaborate bow and a red high heel-shaped gift card that just says “The Final Game.” Ed shakes it gently. He hears the slight movement of game pieces, presumably, inside, but there’s something else, too. Voices singing. The faintest lion’s roar? A terrifying cackle that thrills down his spine and makes him shiver. He turns back to the crowd. “Did you hear that? The lion?” Stede smiles supportively but shakes his head, while the others look more skeptical. “You’re saying that’s what you heard when you shook it? Now I know you’re lyin’!” Jim cracks up at their own joke and Oluwande looks gobsmacked at hearing Jim commit a pun. Jim has had a lot of eggnog. Ed slides his hand over the paper, feeling its slick texture, and lifts the ribbon off effortlessly. “Where did this come from?” he asks softly. He’s familiar with the free wrapping services offered at every store in the mall, provides consulting on paper choices and technique, even, but he’s never seen this paper or this method of attaching the ribbon. Nobody fesses up, so he takes off the paper in one perfect piece and sets it aside. Ed is not a wrapping paper saver. He’s a guy who can come in his jorts on a crowded dance floor and still put in a full day’s work, for god’s sake. But for some reason he can’t bear the thought of wadding up this paper and chucking it in the food court recycling bin even if they’ve taken the lid off of for easy disposal of the detritus of the White Elephant skirmishes (a three pointer, for sure). “Welcome to Ozmanji!” says the lid of the box. Something stirs in Ed, a powerful pull. He looks up, and sees that the others feel the same. People are already nodding when he says, breathless, “We have to play this game.”
January 14, 2025 at 2:06 AM
squatterssmau.bsky.social
The magic has been out of sorts. Deity Zheng, a little more stable now that Stede & Ed have patched things up, takes Auntie and seeks out Buttons for advice.

The oracle, for that's what he seems to be, foretells the coming of great danger. The Big One.
"Aye. ‘fraid sae. It's far worse than we thought. This is th' big one.”
January 14, 2025 at 1:53 AM