@spencercomedian.bsky.social
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Elon gets compared to Smaug sometimes. I think that's really unfair because at least Smaug never pretended to be good at video games.
Had a Zebra Cake for the first time in like 2 years and I'm pretty sure my eyes dilated like in Requiem For A Dream whenever anyone does drugs.
November 17, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Had a Zebra Cake for the first time in like 2 years and I'm pretty sure my eyes dilated like in Requiem For A Dream whenever anyone does drugs.
Now that the dust has settled. Can we agree that Bradley Cooper, In Guardians of The Galaxy, is just yelling like angry George Costanza the whole time?
October 22, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Now that the dust has settled. Can we agree that Bradley Cooper, In Guardians of The Galaxy, is just yelling like angry George Costanza the whole time?
My gym has BUCKETS of FREE Tootsie Rolls at the front desk. I hate it. It's like, dudes, my inability to stop myself from temptations like this is the reason I have to be here in the first place. It's like if they had shots of Fireball at the entrance to an AA meeting.
October 6, 2025 at 2:24 AM
My gym has BUCKETS of FREE Tootsie Rolls at the front desk. I hate it. It's like, dudes, my inability to stop myself from temptations like this is the reason I have to be here in the first place. It's like if they had shots of Fireball at the entrance to an AA meeting.
I'm saving my Borat voice for marriage.
September 4, 2025 at 5:43 PM
I'm saving my Borat voice for marriage.
Half the time I can't remember my license plate number but I still remember most of the phone numbers of pizza places in my hometown from when I was 8 years old.
September 3, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Half the time I can't remember my license plate number but I still remember most of the phone numbers of pizza places in my hometown from when I was 8 years old.
My favorite genre of music is "any song where Harry Belafonte mentions coconuts".
August 1, 2025 at 10:07 PM
My favorite genre of music is "any song where Harry Belafonte mentions coconuts".
I found out a while back that some people don't have an internal monologue. I can't even imagine going through life without being narrated by myself like some nerdy film noir. It must be nice
July 29, 2025 at 8:01 PM
I found out a while back that some people don't have an internal monologue. I can't even imagine going through life without being narrated by myself like some nerdy film noir. It must be nice
The masculine urge to grow your hair out to Kurt Russell length.
July 28, 2025 at 6:29 PM
The masculine urge to grow your hair out to Kurt Russell length.
It's funny how every amazing love song that has lyrics like, "Our love is gonna last forever, baby!" is invariably always written by someone who has been married like 17 times.
July 24, 2025 at 8:36 PM
It's funny how every amazing love song that has lyrics like, "Our love is gonna last forever, baby!" is invariably always written by someone who has been married like 17 times.
Oh great. And now Mercury is in retrograde. Like getting a ramp for a train wreck.
July 18, 2025 at 5:14 PM
Oh great. And now Mercury is in retrograde. Like getting a ramp for a train wreck.
Finally seeing a drunk Priest in real life at a bar. This is what Hollywood has promised me my entire life!
June 25, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Finally seeing a drunk Priest in real life at a bar. This is what Hollywood has promised me my entire life!
I'm beginning to think humanity isn't going to last long enough to open that Nickelodeon Time Capsule from 1992 we're supposed to wait 40 years for. Perhaps we don't deserve what I presume to be a pair of Moon Shoes and some slime.
June 22, 2025 at 11:17 PM
I'm beginning to think humanity isn't going to last long enough to open that Nickelodeon Time Capsule from 1992 we're supposed to wait 40 years for. Perhaps we don't deserve what I presume to be a pair of Moon Shoes and some slime.
ME: Hello Sharks. I'm here today to tell you about my ingenius idea. Take Papa John's Garlic Sauce and mix it with Ranch Dressing.
MARK CUBAN: That's not really an invention.
ME: Either way. I'm just letting everyone know it's good.
MARK CUBAN: That's not really an invention.
ME: Either way. I'm just letting everyone know it's good.
June 17, 2025 at 10:05 PM
ME: Hello Sharks. I'm here today to tell you about my ingenius idea. Take Papa John's Garlic Sauce and mix it with Ranch Dressing.
MARK CUBAN: That's not really an invention.
ME: Either way. I'm just letting everyone know it's good.
MARK CUBAN: That's not really an invention.
ME: Either way. I'm just letting everyone know it's good.
"I bid a Dew." -Someone at an auction trying to wager with a Baja Blast.
June 17, 2025 at 8:20 PM
"I bid a Dew." -Someone at an auction trying to wager with a Baja Blast.
Is Gen-Z fast at typing on keyboards? I feel like, as a Millennial, 80% of my typing speed/proficiency comes from being on AOL Instant Messenger and ICQ for hours on end in my teenage years so I'm not sure what younger generations did to flex those muscles.
June 10, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Is Gen-Z fast at typing on keyboards? I feel like, as a Millennial, 80% of my typing speed/proficiency comes from being on AOL Instant Messenger and ICQ for hours on end in my teenage years so I'm not sure what younger generations did to flex those muscles.
The only thing that almost always makes me smile no matter how sad I'm feeling is yelling, "Hello, BABY!" in a bad Big Bopper vocal impersonation.
June 9, 2025 at 9:08 PM
The only thing that almost always makes me smile no matter how sad I'm feeling is yelling, "Hello, BABY!" in a bad Big Bopper vocal impersonation.
I want a supercut of every time Kendall from Succession says, "Yeah?"
May 30, 2025 at 4:54 PM
I want a supercut of every time Kendall from Succession says, "Yeah?"
Normalize. Eating. Stove. Stop. Stuffing. As. Its. Own. Meal. By. Itself.
May 30, 2025 at 2:18 AM
Normalize. Eating. Stove. Stop. Stuffing. As. Its. Own. Meal. By. Itself.
My glasses come in today. Really hoping my spex appeal is better than my regular spectacleless sex appeal.
May 28, 2025 at 8:43 PM
My glasses come in today. Really hoping my spex appeal is better than my regular spectacleless sex appeal.
Ladies' clothes Small Pockets is just a scheme orchestrated by Big Purse.
May 21, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Ladies' clothes Small Pockets is just a scheme orchestrated by Big Purse.
Life can be ugly and beautiful at the same time. You know, like Neil Young's singing.
May 20, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Life can be ugly and beautiful at the same time. You know, like Neil Young's singing.
When I was little, I used to think her first name was "Sineado" and her last name was just "Connor". In my defense, the Terminator franchise AND Roseanne were quite popular at the time.
May 19, 2025 at 8:36 PM
When I was little, I used to think her first name was "Sineado" and her last name was just "Connor". In my defense, the Terminator franchise AND Roseanne were quite popular at the time.
That one Gwen Stefani cover would be a lot better if when she sings, "It's my life!" that she said it like Borat.
May 19, 2025 at 12:41 AM
That one Gwen Stefani cover would be a lot better if when she sings, "It's my life!" that she said it like Borat.
I just want to hear like 5 different takes of Matt Berry saying, "Joann Fabrics".
May 18, 2025 at 7:30 PM
I just want to hear like 5 different takes of Matt Berry saying, "Joann Fabrics".
Some people type on their keyboards with such heavy-handed ferocity that I can only conclude that they have disdain for words and/or letters in general.
May 15, 2025 at 6:24 PM
Some people type on their keyboards with such heavy-handed ferocity that I can only conclude that they have disdain for words and/or letters in general.