But like, I DO want to
I'm just so bad at it now, I'm so bad talking to people or even posting anything at all without feeling like I'm just being a whole massive annoying pain in the ass to the world around me.
I miss the part of me I've lost.

So basically in summation, I've done this to myself, I hate myself and I suck

So trapped in your own mind, in your own sickness and unable to speak or reach out or just even accept any hand that might be offered to you for the fear that you're just never enough for anyone, not even yourself

It's so hard to feel so isolated and left behind by a community you've loved so much, just by becoming so quiet and forgotten

I want a fucking hug and to be able to feel loved and wanted again, not to disparage the people who do care about me but fuck I just want to be able to fucking FEEL it again.

to be close with anyone or anything. I feel so deeply lost and alone, and like I have zero worth or value. I'm so scared of everyone and everything I don't really know how to move forward. I'm not really sure if this is an open plea for help or just a vent at this point.

Like, I have no idea how to even begin to build a support system. I've been limping along like this for almost 7 years of transition and I'm so tired. So many years of trusting all the wrong people who only abused me, and left me further burdened with trauma, and it's completely destroyed my ability

I ask myself this many times a day, and I still don't have an answer.

This is beyond bad tonight

I'm so tired of being sick, but having to keep pushing myself as if I'm not

Dooooo it