Had a dream last night that I was with Steve Martin & Martin Short and we were all trying to find my car keys.

I kept roasting them and calling Marty “Chevy Chase”, they thought I was hilarious. And we were just driving my car around looking for the keys.. I think this would make a great tv spot.

Me: what do you think of the tariffs?

My 2 year old niece: I like basketball

I can’t handle any more videos where millennial women grab the 5 ugliest things from the Walmart clothing section and caption it “outfit idea”

Me, someone who has never brought donuts to the office:

Gee it sure would be a nice day for someone to bring donuts to the office

Still haven’t watched Severance but have observed that I am a different person once I put on my workout clothes.

I never understood why “Sleepy Joe” was an insult.

Aren’t we all a little sleepy sometimes?

Leaving things up to fate today

((Not doing anything until my dog is done napping on my tummy))

Growing up in a small town is weird because I’ll just be scrolling through my socials and see my middle school history teacher, my mom’s hair stylist, a girl who was two grades younger than me, my old neighbor, my cousin’s ex girlfriend and my best friend’s dad doing shots at the bar together.

Searched up a birthday playlist on Spotify to listen to on my walk today. Three songs in, I’m like “damn why is this playlist so perfect for me?”

It was my own birthday playlist. From three years ago.

Josh wears a CPAP and I’m always anxious that he is going to stop breathing. This morning he started howling in his sleep. I shook him awake and asked him if he was okay.

He took of his mask and sleepily answered “Yeah I was just calling the hogs in my dream”

In high school I purposefully did poorly on the ASVAB test because I was worried if I did well they were going to send me off to war.