Most people don't know this, but according to medical science, when men shit after cumming super hard, what they expel isn't shit, but "log".

Although it is primarily composed of feces, it has traces of particles from the Splphlenes gland.

Not all men can Log, and those that can are very lucky.

Listen, I'm not a lawyer, but if the 1st amendment means anything at all, then it means that you still need to give me the bathroom key even when I'm wearing my "I like to eat urinal cakes" shirt.

As the CEO of a corporation that makes money by throwing children into a burning pit of tar, I am very concerned about the way some people on this platform are talking about the recent martyrdom of Brian Thompson, CEO of @unitedhealthgroup.bsky.social.

Everytime I learn what an acronym like "ROI" stands for, I feel the light inside me slowly fading.

I don't know why everyone is so upset about Hunter Biden getting pardoned, I'm sure they'll still release the rest of his dick pics.

How many times do you have to fail to light the grill before you're legally allowed to use enough lighter fluid to burn your house down?

Because I hope its three.

Settle a bet for me: is it 'insensitive' to say that @adamdriver.bsky.social "looks like a video game character who has had a couple of his sliders maxed out at random" after your wife tells you she thinks she felt a lump?

Is it normal to tell ChatGPT the same joke five times in one day, asking if it's funny each time?

ChatGPT says it is, but I think they're just being nice.

My mom just got a call from @dhs.bsky.social about me. I’m not in trouble or anything—they just noticed I’ve been falling asleep to the same playlist of thousands of hours of Five Nights at Freddy’s lore videos for over a month and wanted to check in.

FINE. YES. I DO sleep beside a giant pile of laundry because shit is NOT working how I planned and I am NOT taking it well.

I have this recurring nightmare where my family brings in a camera crew to film them trying to wake me from a coma, but the only thing that works is that photo of the pig shitting on its huge balls.

Dude, If the @theonion.com doesn't make an article titled "Alex Jones to resume complete creative control over InfoWars under new leadership" then they have always been hacks and are undeserving of your respect.

All these people talking about formative trauma, and here I am still recovering from my uncle writing, "His head so big he conceived himself" in my baby-shower book.

You can spice up your sex life by imagining your employees as tiny little rat-people in a maze, begging you for cheese.

My wife just asked me if I think her twin sister is hot.

Why does God reserve his hardest trials for me?

Life Pro Tip: You can end a first date early by licking soup off your fingers, rather than using a spoon.

“And what's the girth of this one?” I ask the range officer, for the sixth time, as he hands me a gun. He and my brother-in-law fake a laugh. My sister pushes her earplugs in even further. I wish I could change.

When he laid me off I wish my boss had told me that I could save money by going number two in my cat and mine's litterbox.