still, i cooked a meal and brushed my teeth and still, i showed up here. id like to think that counts for something

a friend called. i answered. i had a 17 min convo with them and paid attention the whole time. drugs are op

I BLOWDRIED MY HAIR. WTF.

[sidenote: my hair is now at the length where blowdrying is semi-mandatory and while that would've annoyed me in the past i actually found it very soothing and relaxing this time around. i felt womanly, in a good way.]

ive made some important phone calls and texted my sister a bunch. im here typing this thread, which in and of itself is shocking to me. things are looking good so far, but i assume that the crash could start to arrive any minute now. mouth has indeed felt mildly dry, but nothing too unpleasant

spent a lot of time just sitting in silence, save for listening to the birds chirping outside. my brain will sometimes chime in with random thoughts, but they dont feel intrusive or out of control. In fact, I can hear my inner voice crystal clear in my mind and i can tell that it's *me*

i showered after work, which i never do. an everything shower. it was soothing, i felt more tapped into my senses. when i got out, i immediately lotioned and oiled my body and scalp, no delay. then i filled up my water bottle and sat at my desk, not my bed.

By all means we should be encouraging people to read more books/articles and to deepen their knowledge, but the key word there is "encourage". Not mock and belittle and deride and scorn, which is unfortunately the default mode for a lot of ppl in this community

And another thing! A lot of the urge to critique ppl for not being radical enough comes less from a desire to see someone deepen their politics and much more from a desire to humblebrag about how much smarter/well-read you are than someone else. And that's childish.

Like there are so many reasons why the left has barely any cultural footing right now and one of the most blatantly obvious reasons is because we would sooner tear someone down for not doing enough than we would celebrate them for doing something. And I'm tired.

And I'm sorry but beneath the layer of valid critique there is an even deeper layer of toxicity and impossible expectations, idc. People are out here making statements in small (and Big!) ways and trying to contribute to a good cause and we're out here tearing them down for it. I'm tired.

But the problem with leftist culture is that literally nothing will *ever* be good enough for us. No candidate will ever be good enough for us to unify around, no streamer will be clean enough, no art will be radical enough (and if it is theres something problematic about it that warrants a callout)

And we don't just do this with famous musicians. We do this with Video Essayists, media celebs, writers, artists, even on the ground *activists* & organizers. Our favorite thing to do is call-out, critique, criticize, express how someone isn't radical enough or well-read enough or committed enough

Selena Gomez cries on live about mass deportations? Performative. Beyonce wearing Black Panther attire at the Superbowl and then forefronting Blackness in her next three albums? Performative. Kendrick using his entire Superbowl performance to give a critique of America while centering Blackness? ---

I love this so much 🤎🤎🤎