someguymark
@someguymark.bsky.social
🇨🇦 Comedian | Writer | Actor
www.someguymark.com
www.someguymark.com
If a guy says he makes "six figures" it means 85K pre-tax plus some gift cards from his parents, so rounding up that's pretty much six figures.
May 18, 2025 at 11:19 PM
If a guy says he makes "six figures" it means 85K pre-tax plus some gift cards from his parents, so rounding up that's pretty much six figures.
Yes, that is my purse. My grandma passed away 9 years ago, but I still want Werther's Originals when I'm in church.
May 18, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Yes, that is my purse. My grandma passed away 9 years ago, but I still want Werther's Originals when I'm in church.
"TikTok? You mean the Chinese spyware app?"
- your uncle, on Facebook, from his iPhone, in a McDonald's, on public WiFi, immediately after signing up for a Triangle rewards card
- your uncle, on Facebook, from his iPhone, in a McDonald's, on public WiFi, immediately after signing up for a Triangle rewards card
February 16, 2025 at 6:38 PM
"TikTok? You mean the Chinese spyware app?"
- your uncle, on Facebook, from his iPhone, in a McDonald's, on public WiFi, immediately after signing up for a Triangle rewards card
- your uncle, on Facebook, from his iPhone, in a McDonald's, on public WiFi, immediately after signing up for a Triangle rewards card
If you can't handle me at my Magikarp, you don't deserve me at my Gyarados.
January 22, 2025 at 3:00 AM
If you can't handle me at my Magikarp, you don't deserve me at my Gyarados.
"We throw away enough food to feed those who are hungry. A win for capitalism is a loss for humanity."
- a dog watching a McDonald's employee clean up a puddle of barf
- a dog watching a McDonald's employee clean up a puddle of barf
January 21, 2025 at 6:35 PM
"We throw away enough food to feed those who are hungry. A win for capitalism is a loss for humanity."
- a dog watching a McDonald's employee clean up a puddle of barf
- a dog watching a McDonald's employee clean up a puddle of barf
The only thing more heartwarming than baby laughter is mans-laughter.
January 17, 2025 at 12:59 AM
The only thing more heartwarming than baby laughter is mans-laughter.
I'll never forgive humans for what they did to the thylacine.
January 17, 2025 at 12:58 AM
I'll never forgive humans for what they did to the thylacine.
There aren't enough monotremes.
January 13, 2025 at 12:52 AM
There aren't enough monotremes.
I was talking to everyone that knows you, and they'd like you to stop.
January 6, 2025 at 11:40 PM
I was talking to everyone that knows you, and they'd like you to stop.
I just did pee at the Poo Festival, and people are so mad.
But I guess I've always gone against the grain, taken the road less traveled, been a bit of a maverick.
But I guess I've always gone against the grain, taken the road less traveled, been a bit of a maverick.
January 6, 2025 at 1:05 PM
I just did pee at the Poo Festival, and people are so mad.
But I guess I've always gone against the grain, taken the road less traveled, been a bit of a maverick.
But I guess I've always gone against the grain, taken the road less traveled, been a bit of a maverick.
I am not going to sit here and pretend that Mavis Beacon isn't a baddie.
January 1, 2025 at 2:08 PM
I am not going to sit here and pretend that Mavis Beacon isn't a baddie.
My New Years Resolution is to finish my sexy Wario Land 3 fan fiction.
January 1, 2025 at 2:06 PM
My New Years Resolution is to finish my sexy Wario Land 3 fan fiction.
Hello, it's me, Michael Mouse. These are my friends, Humorous Dog and Angry Bird.
January 1, 2025 at 2:02 PM
Hello, it's me, Michael Mouse. These are my friends, Humorous Dog and Angry Bird.
MANDELA EFFECT: Rosa Parks was NOT an unlockable character in Smash Bros. Melee.
January 1, 2025 at 1:37 AM
MANDELA EFFECT: Rosa Parks was NOT an unlockable character in Smash Bros. Melee.
"There's gonna be hot babes at the party."
- Nostradamus (age 19)
- Nostradamus (age 19)
January 1, 2025 at 1:27 AM
"There's gonna be hot babes at the party."
- Nostradamus (age 19)
- Nostradamus (age 19)
I can already tell that 2025 is going to be one of those years where people do things and stuff happens.
Mark my words.
Mark my words.
January 1, 2025 at 1:25 AM
I can already tell that 2025 is going to be one of those years where people do things and stuff happens.
Mark my words.
Mark my words.
My New Years Resolution is to defeat Kony 2012.
January 1, 2025 at 1:24 AM
My New Years Resolution is to defeat Kony 2012.
Worms, huh, yeah
What are they good for?
Aerating your garden
Say it again, y'all
Worms, huh (good god)
What are they good for?
Water infiltration
What are they good for?
Aerating your garden
Say it again, y'all
Worms, huh (good god)
What are they good for?
Water infiltration
December 29, 2024 at 7:27 PM
Worms, huh, yeah
What are they good for?
Aerating your garden
Say it again, y'all
Worms, huh (good god)
What are they good for?
Water infiltration
What are they good for?
Aerating your garden
Say it again, y'all
Worms, huh (good god)
What are they good for?
Water infiltration
Normalize screaming in the woods.
December 29, 2024 at 7:22 PM
Normalize screaming in the woods.
This might seem strange, but if you write "could of" I think that you should be beaten with a hammer.
December 29, 2024 at 7:04 PM
This might seem strange, but if you write "could of" I think that you should be beaten with a hammer.
What fields are you guys frolicking in these days?
December 29, 2024 at 6:50 PM
What fields are you guys frolicking in these days?
"I've earned a lil treat."
- a pigeon about to eat a cigarette out of a puddle of Dr. Pepper
- a pigeon about to eat a cigarette out of a puddle of Dr. Pepper
December 28, 2024 at 1:25 AM
"I've earned a lil treat."
- a pigeon about to eat a cigarette out of a puddle of Dr. Pepper
- a pigeon about to eat a cigarette out of a puddle of Dr. Pepper
My New Years Resolution is to stop killing myself in Banjo-Kazooie just so I can see Hot Gruntilda.
December 28, 2024 at 1:21 AM
My New Years Resolution is to stop killing myself in Banjo-Kazooie just so I can see Hot Gruntilda.
Your Dad: nobody had autism when I was a kid.
Also Your Dad: rearranges tools in the garage for 3 hours so that he doesn't have to speak to company.
Also Your Dad: rearranges tools in the garage for 3 hours so that he doesn't have to speak to company.
December 27, 2024 at 9:01 PM
Your Dad: nobody had autism when I was a kid.
Also Your Dad: rearranges tools in the garage for 3 hours so that he doesn't have to speak to company.
Also Your Dad: rearranges tools in the garage for 3 hours so that he doesn't have to speak to company.
Your Dad: young people are so sensitive these days.
Also Your Dad: STOP CALLING MY FAVORITE BILLIONAIRE STUPID.
Also Your Dad: STOP CALLING MY FAVORITE BILLIONAIRE STUPID.
December 27, 2024 at 8:54 PM
Your Dad: young people are so sensitive these days.
Also Your Dad: STOP CALLING MY FAVORITE BILLIONAIRE STUPID.
Also Your Dad: STOP CALLING MY FAVORITE BILLIONAIRE STUPID.