hi that's me :3

I need to be better at everything if I want to keep these people in my life. Please love me as much as you always have forever I promise I'll always try my best every day

Also the day I lose the people I actually trust and have never betrayed me is the day I give up on everything. This is the last chance I am giving to this.

I'm glad to have people to trust. But the fact that I can trust them means that I am capable of faith in others. So why is it so hard for someone not to be a fucking selfish and shitty human being??
Can I really only trust a handful of people in my life?

I just hope everything will be ok

But like, what about the rest of the world????
Of course I trust with my life and soul and body the people closer to me, but it's really fucking scary. What would happen to me if one day they changed their mind too? Faith in people I care about is so tiring but I'll never give up on them.

People always abandoned me when I needed them the most. FUCK THEM but man can I really go on saying "FUCK THEM" every god damn time?
Are people really this shitty? Like... everyone?
How does one live like this. The only people I fully trust are my partner and my parents, and that's more than enough

I keep living my happy moments to the fullest, but i can't keep away the thought that things might go wrong sooner or later. The only way for me to keep composure when I'm stressed out is putting it all under the rug until I lose sleep at night or get too overwhelmed to keep up the good work.

I've been betrayed, stabbed in my back and lied to countless times. And the only way to cope with it was convincing myself that maybe I deserved it.
But now that I don't think that anymore, why does life keep kicking my ass?

I'll never be free from this. I'm glad I have people who help me keep it under control, with reassurance and care. But I need to be free from this myself. I can't burden others in my life with this.

No matter how good or bad my life got at any point, I've never seen myself as anything but an empty husk. I've learned how not to let people take advantage of this, sure... but what now?
The fact that I'll always be nothing but a pile of worried thoughts and spiraling anxiety makes me sick.

lowkey dressing/appearing masculine for me is like having a shirt that's not your style at all but just fits you so well that you just end up wearing it all the time

I LOVE YOU SM (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) 🩷🩷🩷

had to remake the post to edit out the random middle aged guy in the background lol