I'm more Cameron than Ferris.

I'm keeping the last egg from this carton as a collector's item.

I replaced a refrigerator bulb with a 60 watt equivalent and now it's like opening the ark of the covenant.

If we're a product of our environment, i'm wondering where some of these people found an asshole big enough to live in.

Listen, it's really gonna suck for a while but this is how we get a Star Trek future. You know, a housing crisis, income equality, rising social disruption, riots, then a WW. Couple hundred years and we'll be golden. So, it's...okaaay?

You ever eat trail mix when you have no intention of being on a trail? Man, it'll really get ya goin' with nowhere to be.

You don't ever see firefighters getting cats out of trees.

Who puts fabric softener on a towel? I want a dry and rough towel. I want to scrape the water off of myself.