SoCalBrah
@socalbrah.bsky.social
Been practicing social distancing before it was cool. 🎮🕹️👾
Watching Rocky 2. No wonder It took Adrian so long to wake up from her coma considering that she is not hooked up to a single machine while in the hospital. I’m no doctor but that seems irresponsible.
February 3, 2026 at 3:57 PM
Watching Rocky 2. No wonder It took Adrian so long to wake up from her coma considering that she is not hooked up to a single machine while in the hospital. I’m no doctor but that seems irresponsible.
Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog…
Me: …is clairvoyant, yes.
Me: …is clairvoyant, yes.
February 2, 2026 at 7:12 PM
Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog…
Me: …is clairvoyant, yes.
Me: …is clairvoyant, yes.
Who ever did this is savage... #DisneyStore #ScarIsNotNice #BePrepared #LongLiveTheKing #AMonkeysUncle
February 2, 2026 at 4:36 PM
Who ever did this is savage... #DisneyStore #ScarIsNotNice #BePrepared #LongLiveTheKing #AMonkeysUncle
Please don't make jokes about ointment, because I don't like topical humor.
January 29, 2026 at 11:41 PM
Please don't make jokes about ointment, because I don't like topical humor.
I always get The Commandments mixed up with The Amendments... which has the "Don't kill" and which has the "Kill with guns if you want?"
January 23, 2026 at 1:41 PM
I always get The Commandments mixed up with The Amendments... which has the "Don't kill" and which has the "Kill with guns if you want?"
Listen Carl, I love kickin' ass but I'm just buried in paperwork from the name taking. Who wrote this policy into the bylaws?
January 20, 2026 at 6:50 PM
Listen Carl, I love kickin' ass but I'm just buried in paperwork from the name taking. Who wrote this policy into the bylaws?
You can't believe it's not butter? Buddy, almost everything is not butter...
January 20, 2026 at 6:48 PM
You can't believe it's not butter? Buddy, almost everything is not butter...
If you literally believe the story of Noah: Try getting a monkey in a car during a storm. It’s almost impossible. Now do it one more time.
January 17, 2026 at 5:42 PM
If you literally believe the story of Noah: Try getting a monkey in a car during a storm. It’s almost impossible. Now do it one more time.
Hear me out. If Batman is canonically about 40, then he was born in 1986. And if his parents were killed leaving a movie theater when he was ten years old, then there is a very real possibility...
…that they were seeing “Beevis and Butthead do America.”
…that they were seeing “Beevis and Butthead do America.”
January 16, 2026 at 10:31 PM
Hear me out. If Batman is canonically about 40, then he was born in 1986. And if his parents were killed leaving a movie theater when he was ten years old, then there is a very real possibility...
…that they were seeing “Beevis and Butthead do America.”
…that they were seeing “Beevis and Butthead do America.”
You met a man on the Oregon Trail.
His name is Terry.
You laugh and tell him "That's a girl name!"
Terry shoots you.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
His name is Terry.
You laugh and tell him "That's a girl name!"
Terry shoots you.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
January 15, 2026 at 1:44 AM
You met a man on the Oregon Trail.
His name is Terry.
You laugh and tell him "That's a girl name!"
Terry shoots you.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
His name is Terry.
You laugh and tell him "That's a girl name!"
Terry shoots you.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
The parenting skill I'm most proud of is being able to shove a whole candy bar in my mouth and talk normally around it when a kid walks in...
January 15, 2026 at 1:16 AM
The parenting skill I'm most proud of is being able to shove a whole candy bar in my mouth and talk normally around it when a kid walks in...
The kid on the left. Any unsolved crimes in his neighborhood probably ought to be reopened.
January 11, 2026 at 8:19 PM
The kid on the left. Any unsolved crimes in his neighborhood probably ought to be reopened.
I consider page 2 of Google results the “dark web.”
January 11, 2026 at 8:18 PM
I consider page 2 of Google results the “dark web.”
The entire French language is a choking hazard.
January 9, 2026 at 4:16 PM
The entire French language is a choking hazard.
Good morning to everyone except Mariah Carey. Christmas is over, hack.
December 30, 2025 at 2:52 PM
Good morning to everyone except Mariah Carey. Christmas is over, hack.
Little known fact: literally every spelling of Hannukah is correct. Channukah? Hannhooka? Chewbacca? Channing Tatum? All fine.
December 17, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Little known fact: literally every spelling of Hannukah is correct. Channukah? Hannhooka? Chewbacca? Channing Tatum? All fine.
Frosty the Snowman (1950) - A group of children steal bezedrine tablets from school teacher and suffer auditory and visual hallucinations.
December 16, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Frosty the Snowman (1950) - A group of children steal bezedrine tablets from school teacher and suffer auditory and visual hallucinations.
EINSTEIN: ...which of course is a space-time continuum conundrum.
ME: A continunundrum if you will.
EINSTEIN: No.
ME: A continunundrum if you will.
EINSTEIN: No.
December 15, 2025 at 3:58 PM
EINSTEIN: ...which of course is a space-time continuum conundrum.
ME: A continunundrum if you will.
EINSTEIN: No.
ME: A continunundrum if you will.
EINSTEIN: No.
Not much of a “First Aid” kit if it doesn’t have peanut butter in it
December 9, 2025 at 9:14 PM
Not much of a “First Aid” kit if it doesn’t have peanut butter in it
Funny new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Bob.
December 2, 2025 at 1:10 AM
Funny new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Bob.
"I'm only here to count the rocks..."
~Accountants at rock bottom, probably
~Accountants at rock bottom, probably
November 20, 2025 at 8:04 PM
"I'm only here to count the rocks..."
~Accountants at rock bottom, probably
~Accountants at rock bottom, probably
Me: Wanna high five with our hearts?
Teammate: For the last time. It’s called a chest bump.
Teammate: For the last time. It’s called a chest bump.
November 16, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Me: Wanna high five with our hearts?
Teammate: For the last time. It’s called a chest bump.
Teammate: For the last time. It’s called a chest bump.
If you can pick up a toy lightsaber without making "the noise," you're probably dead inside...
November 14, 2025 at 1:26 PM
If you can pick up a toy lightsaber without making "the noise," you're probably dead inside...
When cops respond to a domestic violence call & they hear Bob Seger coming from the house, they're like "Uh oh…"
November 11, 2025 at 3:44 PM
When cops respond to a domestic violence call & they hear Bob Seger coming from the house, they're like "Uh oh…"
McDonald's should quit pretending & sell cigarettes at the drive-thru.
November 11, 2025 at 3:41 PM
McDonald's should quit pretending & sell cigarettes at the drive-thru.