“And it turned out we really didn’t care all that much about high prices, anyway.”

I don't know why no one thought of this before. You can enjoy a limp soggy sandwich that drips all over your lap, and once you're finished you have a delicious glass of warm, mustardy goat milk with bacon and onions floating in it.

I’m just glad I don’t need to go on twitter (never ever call it by the other name) for the updates

I’m glad to see Maton getting a chance in the bigs

How shriveled do you think her soul is? Like, does she ever, in those moments where no one is watching, just inwardly cry and cry about how her entire professional (and personal, probably, considering her husband) existence is based on angrily denying reality?

How many dogs could a B-2 shoot?

Oh I’m sure they’ll find a way to grasp defeat from the jaws of victory

Ugh. I wish I had thought of that

Mr Hegseth then changed the subject of the conversation to glowingly discuss one of his greatest influences, the music of 2000s-era reggaeton rapper Shaggy.

(Which of course you know is satire, because there’s no way Mr Iron Cross tattoo would ever admire the music created by a black man.)

How do you keep your sanity when you’re covering and reporting these things? Tom Homan’s prominence is just one example of hundreds (maybe thousands) things in our MAGA dystopia that corrodes my faith in the human spirit.

He needs a reason to celebrate his heritage as an Alcoholic-American

One thing that bothers me about the original tweet here is that using the word “weird” feels like it’s minimizing it. It’s like OMGtheworldissoquirkycrazy

The only problem here is that, unlike in reality, Batman comics feature a selfless and heroic billionaire

I think the chances of a very public and very overt mass casualty atrocity occurring are much higher under a Vance presidency than they are under a Trump presidency. And they are fucking HIGH under a Trump presidency

We should start a campaign of holding our hands a few millimeters from the car, repeating “I’m not touching youuuuuu” over and over again.

But honestly, we should just do that to Pam every chance we get

We really are on our own, aren’t we?