it feels like no matter if i "decide" im a singlet or system, for both "options" i need to go lengths to explain why i am what i am, both just doesn't really make sense and neither feels truly right

#systemsky #didosdd #anti-endo #syssky #didalters

and the more specific traumatic events that happened after we were like 8 seem to be stored in trauma holders that don't front, unless triggered, and we can pretty much avoid those triggers (we're in a mostly safe living environment since 3 years) (+)

TW death

(+ we almost died at birth and i still wonder how that affected our development and ability to cope with stuff)

TW death over

theres not many single events that we could have a specific flashback off (+)

sometimes i also think its hard for me/us to actually have flashbacks of a traumatic event bc most of our trauma was simply growing up unaccommodated autistic, parents emotionally neglecting me and basically never having had any trusted/safe person growing up (+)

ive tried to explain the symptoms w the unstable identity of BPD and being very creative and a "in my own world" typa person (at least thats who i was as a kid, now im not constantly daydreaming or whatever anymore)

i just cant make sense of it (+)

like its been 2 years now that ive been "living as a system" and some closer friends have told us that apparently they really notice the difference between our alters, that our body language and the way we talk and stuff really changes (+)

#osdd #didsystem #didalters #alters #systemsky

whats spravato if u dont mind explaining? :0

(no, im not saying im more comfortable dating minors, not at all, i just hate my situation in general)

#alters #dissociativeidentitydisorder #didsystem #systemaccount #dissociasky

#syssky #did #dissociativeidentitydisorder #systemaccount #didosdd

and dating as a system is even harder bc we are out as transmasc and people view me as a (nonbinary) masc person
but i am fem! i want to be someone gf! not bf! and i also dont wanna date a gay guy bc he shouldnt actually be attracted to *me* specifically

but ig this is my life now

oop- good to know /lh
thanks for letting me know!