I get to watch both of my parents die before 30 and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I don't think my mom really loves me.

I wish I didn't have to deal with this.

Having a rough night.

Guess my mom's going to die and we all get to watch because a bigoted felon has his claws in her and won't let go.

And she chose him over me. Again.

Today I'm just going to shut my mind off and go to work, I guess.

I need a break from the hellscape that is my life and my brain.

I'm not even really excited about the title anymore.

It feels like I can't be in my local dog sports/ dog training/ dog community without having to share a space with her, and the mere mention gives me so many horrid flashbacks.

Everything just kind of fucking sucks right now I think.

It's ironic. Because I think she hates me because she doesn't agree with my balanced training methods.

However. She's in close contact with the person who taught me a lot of what I know.

It's all so fucking hypocritical and draining right now.

It makes me wildly uncomfortable because she started working at the shelter and now she's friends with people who are in direct contact with my abusive ex-boss that set my progress back unbelievably far.

I had to see my ex-boss tagged in something and it ruined my fucking night.

I have a feeling I'm being taken for a ride, but my twin was incredibly stressed because my older brother and I were no contact.

I took the reigns but my older brother refuses to work with us or talk to his family. His wife encourages him to not talk to us bc she's kind of full of herself.

He straight up told me "I don't agree with your choices but I recognize you have a right to make them. I miss the little girl I met."

Like thanks that makes me feel really good. I genuinely hate him so much bro.

And now he's going to be coming to my house regularly like oh my god. Mercy.

Her boyfriend also doesn't really respect me because I'm trans. He misgenders me 99% of the time and constantly refers to me as my mom's "daughter" to other people. 🙃

The only time he gendered me properly was when he was asking me to take his dog, which I guess is what's happening now so like FML.

The bottom line is she is not doing well physically and her lifestyle is killing her slowly. There's a lot of responsibility looming right now.

She doesn't take her meds or bathe on her own either so I also have to ensure those get done as well.

I won't lie I'm unbelievably stressed.

I'm just incredibly stressed right now because I am parenting my mother, just like how I did my entire childhood.

She can't work, cook, clean, take care of herself, manage her money, etc.

She blows every dime on alcohol and cigarettes and is pretty stubborn about breaking those habits.

As I age it becomes more apparent to me that there are a handful of very bold people in this world that have never been put in their place by someone firm enough to challenge them.

I genuinely hope one day I can be a person who can test some egos by not tolerating these people and their shit.

This same guy also confronted me about my self harm scars a few years back, when I looked more feminine.

I'm pretty fucking confident this dude is entirely unaware that fem me and current me are the same person.

I wore a tank top when it was hot and he said "are you a cutter?"

What the fuck?

This guy has told me he's on 30mg of oxy A DAY for back pain. He was either in pain or withdrawing.

I had four organs removed and took less oxy in three days combined than this dude takes in one.

Maybe if you're so miserable you have to take it out on others it's time to retire.