My grandma was supposed to be cremated but wasn't cremated and eventually they found her and it became a Law and Order episode with Jim Gaffigan in it.

Sometimes, when I put my precious child to bed, and he drifts off to sleep, I'll tiptoe out of his room and think "time to get lit."

The "only one bed" thing happened to me once except that it was with a friend I wasn't into and we both had romantic partners and also I had diarrhea.

The cringiest thing I've ever done is query literary agents from a Yahoo email address.

Lol