when onlyfans was shut down a few years back, the onlyfans ceo specifically named the banks jpmorgan chase, bny mellon, and uk's metro bank

see here: archive.md/Ig3Vo

i think a lot about how these ppl benefit economically from existing in the same country w/ red states: zones where mass prison slavery, no corporate taxes, no regulations perpetuate an evil on untold scale. the fruits of this tree of suffering are exported. they ignore their own deep complicity

i still don't know what it would take to let myself dance around other people though.

and so it's just. like. i started dancing about 2 months ago again for the first time in so many years. just alone. but now i see myself in the mirror dancing from time to time because i just dance so much more. and suddenly. wow i have a body worth celebrating. i really do.

and dance is just so tied up in social and gender norms. dance went from something that i enjoyed at a young single digit age to something that i must never ever do else the cis detect the girl in me. i didn't conceive it at the time in those terms, obviously. but. nonetheless

one of the hardest things for me has been acknowledging how much of the things that external observers may categorize as "shame" or "embarrassment" came from very real defensive mechanisms that allowed me to avoid physical assault from parents, teachers, and other kids (who often were permitted to)

been working on deprogramming myself of my own barriers to allowing myself to dance (even alone!), because of the ways i saw my own body as inherently wrong. dance is such a body-centric act, or even a celebration of body. and so it also was therefore not just wrong, but deeply wrong. so it occurs

is anyone talking about this

i am

enterprise is their failed attempt to catch up with the losses in the ratings battles with stargate sg-1, and then 9/11 happened and they turned into turbo 9/11 brain

only seen severance s1 and bits of devs. but severance seems v influenced by counterpart. mostly very different shows but:
similar music, similar themes of identity/memory, discomfort about a secretive workplace w a lot of security, 80s tech, "what if i didn't have trauma", how work changes you, etc