Sam
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skrysiak.bsky.social
Sam
@skrysiak.bsky.social
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skrysiak.bsky.social
5 years ago today
Rudy Giuliani, in his capacity as an attorney for Donald Trump, hosting a press conference in the car park behind Four Seasons Total Landscaping in Holmesburg, Pennsylvania. The purpose of this surreal spectacle was to publicly comment on the Trump campaign's legal challenges to Pennsylvania's ballot count, whereby Trump initially had a significant lead over Joe Biden that was overtaken as the mail-in ballots were counted. This scenario isn't particularly unusual; the Philadelphia metropolitan area is historically a Democratic stronghold, and so large numbers of people chose to vote by mail because they considered in-person voting an avoidable risk during a global pandemic of a highly contagious respiratory disease with a high risk of death, at a time when the Trump administration's handling of the crisis had already resulted in tens of thousands of excess deaths and a vaccine was not yet available outside of medical trials. 5 years later, and Trump is serving a second presidential term (because Biden didn't withdraw his presidential candidacy soon enough and his hasty replacement was a non-white female centrist), Rudi Giuliani has been disbarred and recently crashed out after Zohran Mamdani was elected Mayor of New York, and the covid.gov website has been replaced with some conspiratorial bullshit about the widely-debunked COVID-19 lab leak theory (because authoritarians love propaganda to deny any wrongdoing or outright incompetence).
November 7, 2025 at 11:07 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
This headline is frying me💀💀
Screenshot from the trending topics in the Twitter app (presumably cobbled together by Grok), with the headline "Dick Cheney Dies at 84 on Day New York City Elects First Muslim Mayor Zohran Mamdani". The summary of these humourously coinciding events reads, "Former Vice President Dick Cheney, influential in post-9/11 policies including the Iraq invasion, died on November 4, 2025, from pneumonia and cardiac complications at age 84. On the same day, 33-year-old Ugandan-born Democrat Zohran Mamdani, a state assemblyman, won New York City's mayoral race against Andrew Cuomo and Curtis Sliwa, campaigning on affordable housing, police reform, and Palestinian rights."
November 5, 2025 at 12:05 AM
skrysiak.bsky.social
I hate gay Halloween. What do you mean you're a random OnlyFans performer?
A photo of me in an ale bar, with a dark brown wig and an unkempt Hungarian moustache, wearing a grey hoodie and pale blue jeans. I'm posing as though I'm unbuttoning my jeans. A still from a video of OnlyFans performer hole_next_door against a white wall. He has dark brown hair and a pornstache, and is wearing a grey hoodie and pale blue jeans. In this pose he is about to unbutton his jeans.
November 1, 2025 at 2:03 AM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Reskeet with your favourite Halloween costume.

Charlie Kelly in the final scene from my favourite episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, "The Nightman Cometh". Not quite Gay Halloween levels of niche, but close.
A photo of me, a white 30-something man with a dark brown beard, stood in the outdoor seating area of an ale pub during the early evening. I am wearing a yellow three-piece suit and a yellow tie, along with a white top hat and white patent leather derby shoes, and carrying a white dress cane.
October 14, 2025 at 7:19 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
A still from The Simpsons, showing Krusty the Clown in the episode "Krusty Gets Kancelled", in which a ventriloquist and his puppet Gabbo star in a TV show that competes directly with Krusty's, and soon becomes so popular that Itchy and Scratchy move to the rival show. In this image, Krusty has resorted to replacing Itchy and Scratchy with a Soviet animation segment named "Worker and Parasite" and upon the surreal clip ending he exclaims, "What the hell was that?"
October 13, 2025 at 9:00 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Apparently Role Model always has a guest appear on-stage to dance as "Sally", but that still doesn't answer the question of why Charli XCX was chosen to fleetingly appear for this particular performance
A photo of a polar bear standing on a snow-covered road at night, illuminated by street lighting. The photo was taken shortly before the polar bear was euthanised following reports of the bear attacking the town of Longyearbyen in Norway. This was posted to Twitter (no one calls it X) with the caption "What da hell is a polar bear doin in Arlington Texas" [sic], and has since become a solid meme and a catchphrase amongst the chronically online
October 12, 2025 at 7:07 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Just straight-up fleecing
Screenshot of Taylor Swift's Instagram Stories, shilling yet another variant of her album The Life of a Showgirl. This one is billed as the "deluxe dressing room rehearsal version" for some voice memos and demo recordings, and is apparently only available on iTunes for 24 hours.
October 7, 2025 at 8:06 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Grok really just saying anything
Screenshot of Twitter trending topics, with an item titled "ABC Suspends Jimmy Kimmel Live Over False Charlie Kirk Murder Claims" incorrectly summarised by trash AI bot Grok, as: "ABC has indefinitely suspended Jimmy Kimmel Live! after host Jimmy Kimmel falsely claimed in a monologue that the suspect in conservative activist Charlie Kirk's murder, Tyler Robinson—a progressive trans activist who opposed MAGA—was aligned with the movement. The suspension followed threats of regulatory action from FCC Chairman Brendan Carr against ABC and Disney, as well as decisions by affiliates Nexstar and Sinclair to preempt the show, with Sinclair planning a tribute special to Kirk. The move has drawn conservative praise for addressing misinformation and liberal criticism as an assault on free speech and media independence."
September 18, 2025 at 8:24 AM
skrysiak.bsky.social
The stock markets:
Screenshot of Google Finance from about 15:45 EST, showing the Dow Jones Industrial Average, S&P 500 and NASDAQ Composite indices after having each slid between -0.67 and -0.99% in response to Trump's economically illiterate tariff policy
September 2, 2025 at 7:49 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
He's probably going to suddenly emerge in a few hours to play golf, but for now I'm rooting for cholesterol
Melania Trump seated at the Place de la Concorde in Paris for Bastille Day in 2017, wearing a white dress with a floral print. The photo captures her applauding the procession of a military parade, which coincidentally looks like a sardonic "praying" pose to denote hopefulness. She is smiling, despite her husband sitting to her left (but cropped from this photo because one grifting narcissist is already too many)
August 30, 2025 at 1:56 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Google's garbage AI search results, misunderstanding the narration in a YouTube video and then uncritically presenting this incorrect transcript for two search results, boldly showing only a single YouTube video as its only citation for both suggestions
Screenshot of Google search results for the term "patch approval". The results repeatedly mention "knock approval" (an incorrect transcription of the term "NOC approval") without providing any explanation for what is nonstandard terminology even in the context of IT infrastructure management, simply citing a link to a single YouTube video titled "ConnectWise RMM - Approving a Patch for Approval".
August 15, 2025 at 3:05 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
MPs are one of the people you are supposed to complain to if you have a problem with your landlord. This reason alone should disqualify MPs from being allowed to continue acting as private landlords
Screenshot of https://www.gov.uk/private-renting/complaints - specifically stating that if you have a problem with your landlord, "Make a complaint to a 'designated person' (your MP, a local councillor or tenant panel) if you cannot resolve the problem with your landlord"
August 7, 2025 at 11:03 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Jeremy Joseph offers a masterclass in "How can I make this all about me?"
A screenshot of an Instagram post by attention-starved gay nightclub magnate Jeremy Joseph, paying tribute to the recently deceased heavy metal legend Ozzy Osbourne. If you're unable to read the wall of text, I'm truly sorry but I cannot conscionably transcribe something this nauseating in full. Let's just say it begins with a potentially earnest offer of condolences to Sharon and curiously only one of his 6 children, but then veers straight into a couple of grim anecdotes which serve as an excuse for him to insert himself into a remembrance message while repeatedly name-checking his overrated nightclub brand
July 22, 2025 at 10:04 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
I love it when Spotify tracks include time-synced lyrics
A cropped screenshot of Spotify, showing an excerpt of the lyrics from the 1994 Comic Relief charity single "Absolutely Fabulous" by Pet Shop Boys, which is scattered with various soundbites from the first series of Absolutely Fabulous (although the references to Black Box, M/A/R/R/S and 2 Unlimited were laughably dated even in 1994). Here, the faux-Daimoku chanting from cargo cult Buddhist Edina Monsoon is transcribed: "Ong plonk kerplinky plong… Ong plonk kerplinky plong… Ong plonk kerplinky plong… I'm chanting as we speak, bye-bye, darling"
July 14, 2025 at 10:47 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Shvitzing🥵
A photo of me, a Caucasian male with short dark brown hair, a beard and a handlebar moustache. I'm wearing a pale blue linen blazer and a printed resort shirt, with sunglasses and headphones. I'm sitting in an overheating train carriage and there is visible sweat dripping down my face
June 30, 2025 at 5:28 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
The ad campaign for the new season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is getting really dark
A packet of Camel Blue cigarettes, with a healthy warning picture that looks like Sweet Dee from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia coughing blood into a handkerchief. A Portuguese-language warning message reads "Fumar danifica os seus pulmões", or "Smoking damages your lungs"
June 28, 2025 at 10:24 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
"Aw, I already knew that"
A still from The Simpsons episode "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily" (Season 7 Episode 3), where Homer is holding a homemade newspaper produced by Bart with the headline "EXTRA EXTRA! TODD SMELLS".
June 25, 2025 at 11:41 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Charlie Kirk's origin story anecdote itself was a wild ride. West Point doesn't operate a musical chairs admission policy and doesn't publicly disclose applicants' information, so he couldn't possibly know who had been accepted instead of him. He would later insist that he never made this claim:
June 25, 2025 at 9:26 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
One of my favourite running gags in The Simpsons is things spontaneously combusting for no clear reason
After a couple of failed attempts at making a cooked breakfast for Mr Burns whereby improper cooking methods immediately set fire to the ingredients, Homer pours cornflakes and milk into a bowl, but this also bursts into flames. Chief Wiggam rolls down a hill wearing a beer mascot costume in the shape of a giant tankard (it kinda makes sense in context). He rolls into a tree, and inexplicably catches fire. Following a crime wave, paranoid Springfield residents have installed impossibly elaborate home security systems to prevent burglary. Bart tests this by throwing a small rock at a house, only for the rock to be vaporised by laser beams before it reaches the house. In response to the perceived threat, the neighbouring house rises on anthropomorphic legs and runs away, only for its bionic legs to give way and the house to fall over, catching fire. To demonstrate the severity of the potholes in Springfield, a popcorn truck is shown driving along a street and then falling into a pothole much larger than the dimensions of the entire vehicle. There is an explosive fire, and then the giant hole overflows with freshly cooked popcorn.
June 16, 2025 at 8:04 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
I quite like The Beach Boys, but evidently nowhere near as much as FIP Radio
A screenshot of the FIP Radio website, showing the most recently played tracks. These include Brian Wilson's "Goodnight, Irene" (an American folk standard, the best-known version released by The Weavers), Antenna Shoes's cover of "Let's Go Away for a While" (recorded for the album "Do It Again - A Tribute to Pet Sounds"), Kat Edmonson's cover of "I Just Wasn't Made for These Times" (a legit decent jazz pop tribute to one of The Beach Boys' best songs), and Brian Wilson's solo piano re-recording of "Wouldn't It Be Nice" (from "At My Piano", his final album released in 2021) Another screenshot of the FIP Radio website, showing the most recently played tracks. These include Brian Wilson's inexplicable rendition of "Summertime" by George Gershwin (it's actually pretty good, but the very idea of Disney asking Brian Wilson to record a cover album of songs from Disney films and then his compromise to do an album of standards by George and Ira Gershwin instead makes zero sense), David Bowie's cover of "God Only Knows" (Bowie's overwrought vocals and the opulent string arrangement are a bit much for a baroque rock love song, but it's inoffensive if not groundbreaking), and The Beach Boys' own "Pet Sounds" (the instrumental track from the album of the same name which was a commercial failure and critically divisive in the United States at the time of its release, much to Brian Wilson's disappointment, but in the 1990s was suddenly reappraised as one of the finest and most innovative rock music recordings).
June 12, 2025 at 9:26 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
happy pride month to them
A famous still of the characters Bailey and Jess from an indie cinema vérité masterpiece short film by the reclusive director Sean Cody
June 10, 2025 at 10:57 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Screenshot of a ClickHole article with the headline "Heartwarming: The worst people you know are all fighting", Photoshopped from the original ClickHole article titled "Heartbreaking: The Worst Person You Know Just Made A Great Point."
June 3, 2025 at 7:46 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Best Star Trek crew, wrong answers only.
The cast of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, shown in a still from the season 9 episode "The Gang Squashes Their Beefs".
May 24, 2025 at 9:47 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Did Marlene Kratz ever return from that magical never-ending world cruise?
Moya O'Sullivan as Marlene Kratz, a character from the Australian soap opera Neighbours
May 19, 2025 at 2:34 PM
skrysiak.bsky.social
Screenshot of a Facebook dialog for reporting photos, with "I'm in this photo and I don't like it" selected as the reason for submission to moderators
May 15, 2025 at 5:56 PM