Over on the other place, dystopia arrives

I feel sick, tell me this is a joke

my source inside the pentagon said

oh yeah? me and my homies were shooting CEOs before it was popular

Someone put the wrong names on that image, fixed it for you

"Gunman appears to have used a silencer, says weapons expert"

"Gunman appears to be wearing hood, says textile expert"

"Gunman appears to be upright, says person with eyeballs"

My thoughts and prayers are with the families of those who died due to the decisions made by the former CEO.

"It's just for me and my dog" implies it's safe for canine and human consumption. I think most birds struggle with salts however, which lead me to believe that kia-ora had a higher than normal salt content.... so I looked into it.
The jingle might be onto something?!

Try to put yourself in your old shoes. Like this, from the day before the mystery.

Whinny Jean
Clip Clop 'Til You Get Enough
Sugar Beet It

lazy edit