Did you mean to write: Failing pedo-president announces multi-billion-dollar bailouts at taxpayer expense to undo the devastating harm he has inflicted on American farmers with his hare-brained, economy-crushing policies, but most funds will likely be stolen by massive corporations?

They need to follow up with, "So you don't remember saying that on {date} during your {time} press conference? How long have your memory issues been this severe?"