Subs that can’t check in properly shouldn’t play games where their check in can’t be trusted. It’s a liability. In my play, safe words and present and check ins happy pretty regularly. If a sub isn’t using them properly then they are a danger to themselves. I won’t play with that type of person.

Further, if I can’t trust a sub to accurately check in, then that subs is dangerous. Emotionally, I don’t want to truly harm someone, I want everyone to be having fun. Legally, if I’m getting an enthusiastic and inaccurate “yup!” In check in then things become dicey.

Certainly a conscious and aware dom is also assessing the situation for themselves. I certainly know if my sub is in any real physical danger. If I’m checking in, I’m checking for emotional danger or danger I can’t assess with my own senses. If a sub can’t accurately respond, then why check in?

I’ve been in subspace many times, while a powerful thing I am perfectly capable of assessing my situation and being able to respond to a check in. If anything, repeated “tell me you’re okay, give me three words” would be exceptionally irritating because it would break the flow of subspace.

You tell me you’ve gotten hurt before multiple times because you couldn’t communicate your needs. Well, there’s a common denominator there, isn’t there?

And I don’t trust people who refuse to take their safety as a personal responsibility and try to download that onto others. You want to quote me for drama’s sake; fine kiddo.

I don’t say it was deserved. I said you have an obligation to communicate effectively and a responsibility to your own safety. No one but you is responsible for your safety. I’m sorry you were hurt, I truly am, but you can’t download responsibility for your safety into others. It’s not fair to them.

This is literally “I didn’t communicate, I got hurt, that’s the Dom’s fault.”

Take. Responsibility. For. Yourself.

Absurd because I wouldn’t play with someone in a way that was truly dangerous until I know they can communicate. If there is any take home from this it is to take responsibility for your own safety.

If they don’t have the maturity to provide accurate feedback then they shouldn’t be playing. They will get hurt and it won’t be on the Dom because they checked in. You are accountable for your own communication style. Even a caring and considerate dome needs accurate feedback.

And as an experienced dom, I’m telling you that communication is bidirectional. If a dom asks for feedback and the sub gives incomplete feedback then the sub is responsible for the consequences. Again, we are not mind readers, subs must take responsibility for their own safety within the scene.

Saying “you should ask for more” is subjective and unique to each sub. Whereas the general guideline of “asked for feedback, then give proper feedback” is safer for both parties. If you need something different, then it’s up to you to negotiate that communication with your Dom.

The responsibility for proper communication is on both sides. If you’re being asked for feedback then a Dom is expecting proper feedback. Dom’s are not mind readers, it’s the sub’s responsibility to give accurate information so that we can make appropriate decisions.

I’m down 😈