Dear Carly, I’ve mostly been in bed the past few days. I don’t know if the new IV med I’m on is helping yet, but I sure am getting the side effects. When is enough enough? When do I stop trying new treatments with harsh side effects? When do I give up trying to feel better? #chronicillness

Dear Carly, I’m so lonely w/o you. No friends check on me. I have to reach out. I feel like a burden to talk about how sick I’ve been. They don’t want to hear that, which I’m sure is why they didn’t check on me. I know they have their own stuff to handle. I won’t reach out anymore. #chronicillness

Dear Carly, Today is a sad day. I would’ve texted you that and you would’ve sent me a picture of your dog or a silly meme. You’d ask if I wanted to talk about it or if I just needed to know you were there. God, I miss you. #grief #depression

Dear Carly, I’ve so often felt like everyone’s option, but not their choice. Having a friend like you was a gift. You didn’t make me feel like an option. I miss you. #grief #friendship

Dear Carly, I hereby declare that hot flashes now be called “lava episodes” because how is 20 mins a flash? Plus, I’m not merely hot, it feels like there is lava in these veins! #menopause #girltalk

Dear Carly, Today was a couch day. I’m trying to not look at it like a failure, but we are our own worst critics. I miss the way you’d tell me to shut up and just enjoy a couch day. #chronicillness #grief

Dear Carly, I’m feeling overwhelmed today. I used to use to-do lists to stay organized. Now they make my anxiety high. You’d tell me to throw out the list! But I just want to be the person I was 20yrs ago. She walked w/o assistance, kept her anxiety low and got things done. I grieve who I used to be

Dear Carly, I’d give anything to hear your voice again. I hope you know how much you are missed. #grief

Dear Carly, The new administration is already ruining the country after only one week. AND the cost of eggs increased, while people said they voted for him to lower prices. Guess that didn’t work out like we said it wouldn’t. 🤦🏻‍♀️ If they take away my disability status, I’ll have nothing. I’m scared.

Dear Carly, Thank you for being my friend. I know that’s cheesy but it’s true. You were the only one who fully understood me. I miss you. #chronicillness #grief

Dear Carly, I have that bone deep exhaustion today only us chronic illness people get to feel. Just lifting a glass of water is an effort. I feel so selfish for missing having you here to complain to. I miss you for many more reasons too. But right now I just need your sympathy and understanding.

Dear Carly, The moment I saw the rainbow reflection on the floor from the hospital windows, I knew you were with me. Now, if you could’ve stopped the nurse from poking me 6 times before getting the IV in, that would have been a miracle. Work on that, ok? I love you.

Dear Carly, I go to the hospital for my first infusion today. Being the grown adult I am, I’m taking a squishmallow to cuddle. I’m just worried for another bad allergic reaction and they will put me in the hospital again. I miss you.

Dear Carly, Sometimes I forget you are gone, just for a minute, and go to text you. Then I remember. Those rare moments when I think you’ll be there feel so good. Oh, I miss you and your dark humor.

Dear Carly, I don’t know if I can last through another T-rump administration without you here to rage about it with. Part of me is still thinking this is not really about to happen.

Dear Carly, today is one of those days where I know I need to eat something solid but I feel like I won’t be able to keep it down. Then if I don’t eat, I’ll probably feel worse. I can’t just keep living on protein shakes, but those don’t make my stomach yucky.

Dear Carly, I’m finally going for the treatment at the hospital I’ve been fighting insurance for almost a year over. It’s weird. Now that I’m about to get the treatment, I’m afraid. I wish you were here to talk me through it.

Dear Carly, I won’t lie, I did think about following you. I knew you wouldn’t want that though. Plus, I didn’t want to leave the family I have left. I miss you so very much.

Dear Carly, I think what I miss the most is how we could text each other at any hour of the day and we’d both be up. We were so good at being there for each other in our chronic illness journeys. It felt so nice to have that validation and support. I miss and love you.

Dear Carly, I know you never wanted to leave any of us behind. I hope you know we don’t blame you. Like you said, your body couldn’t take anymore. Chronic illness is a curse. No one is angry with you. We just miss you.