like i guess i technically can handle it at this point in my life but god it does get a bit lonely! i kinda feel like completely alone ha ha

i just feel like theres not enough room in anyone’s life to deal with even a fraction of this so whatever i can handle it myself right? im very good at that right? lol

the atmosphere in the city is super heavy

just off the cuff thoughts, ive been feeling a lot but now knowing what or how to talk about it. it keeps gettig worse out here and more ppl are dying but my community is really fighting and turning to each other with love and it admittedly tears me up when i think about it!

i’m really scared right now but now that im recovered from the flu, i’m going to find time to participate in a community event. cuz its the only thing that will really alleviate my fear just a bit

i appreciate everyone on the streets keeping us safe. i also think the community care in more intimate and personal ways is so under appreciated. and i feel its what my city is very good at. lots of systems of care that spring up.

i posted the wrong song lol pretend its this

emotional art about relationships and personal feelings is just as important as protest art i feel… i cant say any more rn and attempt to convince anyone but that’s my sincere feeling

i think it helped that i talked to my therapist yesterday about how i feel like. a pressure to do art that is political and makes a statement but the art that has impacted me most has always been deeply emotional and almost spiritual. and i feel like i finally let go of that internal pressure

i’ve felt so listless and like the work ive been doing with my art rn is going nowhere and amounting to nothing and then suddenly all the work ive been doing just snapped into place in my head. i feel like i have a good contender for something that gives me a purpose for the time being

in a couple hours i wrote a rough but complete outline, a couple dialogue scenes of important moments and several sketches of these previously disparate characters interacting…i say suddenly but the idea hit me at work and i spent later hours getting it down

i’ve learned to shut it down, to pretend i’m otherwise and to mask it with irony or whatever. but the truth is i often cry when the light hits the tree outside my window in a certain way and i feel that is not compatible with living in such a stressful environment.

and not in the easily personally offended meaning of the word. everything just moves me emotionally to the point where im constantly fighting back tears no matter what situation im in.

was accompanying partner at urgent care for near fatal avocado related incident

ultra rare winter morel find

felt a bit melancholy today… its ok cuz yesterday was a perfect day and i felt joyful and whimsical